Heartbreaker
by margerykempe
Summary: "In her head, she thought of him as 'her flower.'"
1. Chapter 1

He came in every day at the same time and ordered the same drink: a large mango juice, extra ice. There was one day when he ordered a three shot espresso, but he looked hungover. She watched him drink three sips and then curl up his lip in disgust before tossing it in the trash. It hurt her feelings a little; she had taken extra care in pulling the shots because she knew it was for him.

Eun Sang was in love with him. It was ridiculous, really, because she hadn't exchanged any words with him besides "thank you, customer" and "that will be ￦6500." She didn't know his name, but she had heard his friend call him "oppa," but only after he'd called his friend "Myeong Sook." A few times, she'd tried to subtly glance at his name tag, but it was always partially obscured. In her head, she thought of him as "her flower."

Really, he was beautiful. His school uniform was fastidiously tailored; his shoes carefully coordinated in color to match his bag. The way his hair swept back perfectly highlighted his eyebrows. Except for that one day where he looked like he'd been drinking, she'd never seen a hair out of place or a stray piece of lint. It was probably why he never noticed her.

Her work uniform wasn't exactly flattering, but it didn't help that she kept her hair in a ponytail and her eyes on her work. She couldn't help it. If she looked into his eyes, she would be lost. Instead, she focused on the small details—the corner of his mouth or the sharp line of his cheekbone. It was her survival strategy.

But today was different. Today, he hadn't come.

And now it was closing time after a double shift—a double shift she had volunteered for so that she would finally have enough to pay for the GED study books she'd been saving to buy. To say she was tired was an understatement. The disappointment of not seeing her flower made a bad day worse.

She had just finished the last of the mopping when she heard a commotion outside. Looking up, she saw a man and a woman screaming at each other just outside the entrance. She watched for a moment as they gestured angrily at each other. Finally, the woman threw her hands in the air and stalked off, the man following close behind. She sighed, thankful that the confrontation had not escalated.

Stepping out, she locked the front entrance and began to turn towards home when she was slammed into the glass front of the shop. Dazed, she fell back, tripping over her own feet and hitting the ground. The man and woman were back again, and the verbal argument had now escalated into a full-blown fight. She watched as the the man grabbed the woman and tightened his hand into a fist. Before he could strike, Eun Sang whipped her leg around and kicked his feet out from underneath him. In the confusion, he lost his grip on the woman and she ran off, screaming.

Eun Sang quickly scrambled to her feet and attempted to follow, but soon realized that she had twisted her ankle in the fall. She groped in her coat pocket for her phone. Suddenly, she was pulled back violently.

"You bitch!" the man screamed as he spun her around. Eun Sang lashed out, connecting with his groin in an attempt to break free. All it seemed to do was anger the man further and he managed to land a glancing blow on her cheek.

"Hey!" she heard a voice call out. She saw another person come running over and swing at the man, connecting with his jaw. The man screamed in rage and threw a punch back, knocking the other man over. The distraction had given Eun Sang enough time to dial 112 and start yelling into the phone. When he saw what she was doing, he ran off. She rushed over to the person lying on the ground, gasping when she saw who it was.

Her flower.

He was out cold. She rolled him over and saw a cut on his perfect cheekbone. It was starting to bruise.

"Um. Hello?" She shook him tentatively. "Are you okay?" He groaned. She moved to support his head, resting it on top of her hand as she tried to pull his jacket around him to insulate him from the cold ground. Sirens sounded in the distance. "The police are coming. Don't worry." She pulled at his jacket again and she realized that she could just make out the name on his uniform tag.

"Choi Young Do," it read.

* * *

The ambulance had just arrived when he started to come to. She watched his eyelashes flutter softly; his brow furrowed. Her fingers twitched; she fought the urge to run her hands over his eyebrows. Awareness dawned in his eyes suddenly and he tried to jump up, moaning when he moved his head too quickly.

"Wait. Here—put your head on this." She removed her jacket and balled it up, shoving it underneath his head.

"You work at the coffee shop."

"Yes. Thank you for helping me."

The medics rushed over with their equipment, moving her gently but insistently to the side as they attended to him. A few minutes later, as she was giving her statement to the police, she watched as he started yelling, shrugging off the attention of the medics. He walked over to where she stood, ignoring her and addressing the policemen directly.

"She's done answering your questions. Go do your job now," he ordered, taking her arm and moving her away. He shook his head when he saw she was limping. When she looked over her shoulder, she was surprised to see the policemen simply shake their heads and walk away.

He stopped and turned to her, just staring for a moment. The scrutiny made her nervous. She chewed on her thumbnail and looked down at the ground. If she looked at him, she was sure her heart would burst from her chest.

"Are you alright? Are you badly hurt?" There was genuine concern in his voice.

"I'm fine. Thank you." She kept her eyes fixed on her feet.

"Your cheek is bruised."

Her hand flew up, and she winced when she made contact with her cheekbone.

"You should put some ice on that. The police will probably contact you again. Here. Take this too." He held out a card. It had contact information for a hotel on it. She finally looked up at him, confused.

"It's my father's hotel. If you need something, you can contact me. In return, I hope you understand that I'd like to keep this incident quiet."

Things suddenly clicked for Eun Sang. He was rich. Very rich. He didn't want the publicity. Her heart sank. Her flower was even further out of reach than she'd thought.

He saw the disappointment in her eyes. "I can pay, if that's what it takes."

She blanched. 'No, no, no. That's— That's not what I—"

"What do you want?" His body language shifted rapidly. Straightening, she watched as he closed in on himself, a hard look in his eyes.

"I don't want anything. I won't say anything. I promise." She wanted to reach out and touch him—comfort him—but she stuck her hands in her pockets instead.

He looked at her warily. She gave him a tentative smile and tried to look as unthreatening as possible. Giving her a long, scrutinizing look, he finally nodded and walked away. She watched his retreating form. At some point during their discussion, a black car had pulled up to the curb. He got in, never once looking back at her.

She knew she would probably never see him again.


	2. Chapter 2

When she arrived at the police station the next day, she was more than a little disappointed to see that her flower was nowhere to be seen, though she had hardly expected anything different. The man from the night before, however, was present—and apparently still very angry. As soon as he saw her, he began yelling incoherently. One of the policemen came over to her and steered her away, directing her to a desk in the corner of the large station.

"As you can see, we're pretty sure we've found him. I would say his reaction confirms it," the policeman addressed her over a computer screen as he typed. "Can you positively identify him?"

"Yes, it's him."

"Good. Thank you. If you'll just give me a moment, I'll need you to sign one form and then you can be on your way."

She nodded and then froze as she saw her flower walk in accompanied by another man. "_Choi Young Do,"_ she thought. _"That's his name. Choi Young Do."_

Eun Sang had spent a good hour the previous night staring at the card, running her fingers over the thick card stock and raised lettering. It was tangible; proof that she had, at last, been noticed by him. Despite the fact that their interaction had been less than ideal, Eun Sang held the memory of those few minutes close. She knew it was as near to him as she would ever get. While she had her flights of fancy, Eun Sang prided herself on her practicality.

And yet, her heart betrayed her. She felt it pound as he walked close, sitting down in the chair next to her. He looked at her and nodded his head slightly. She tried to remember how to breathe.

"Only answer the questions they ask you directly. Don't offer any information," instructed the bored looking man with him.

"It's not like I did anything wrong, Lawyer Kim. This was the girl I helped. She'll vouch for me."

"Still, it's always good policy when you're dealing with the police."

The policeman walked back over to Eun Sang, papers in his hand. "Here, miss. If you'll just sign this, you can be on your way." He glanced over to where her flower was seated. "You'll need to sign one too."

"My client doesn't sign anything without my having reviewed it first," the lawyer drawled. "If you'll hand it over, I can take a look at it now so that we can be on our way."

Eun Sang could see that the policeman was less than pleased by the turn of events. Reluctantly, he handed the paper over and the lawyer immediately drew him away from where they sat, beginning what appeared to be an intense discussion with the policeman. Choi Young Do sat with an amused smirk watching the scene play out. He noticed her staring and turned his attention to her. Eun Sang quickly looked down at the paper, pretending to study it closely.

"Are you alright after last night?' he asked.

She nodded her head, still not looking at him and unable to trust that her voice would come out as anything other than a high pitched squeak.

"Lawyer Kim will take care of this guy. Don't worry."

Under the pretense of looking for a pen, she again avoided eye contact. It wasn't until he held a pen in front of her face that she allowed herself another glimpse. As usual, he was dressed impeccably, his long legs clad in perfectly tailored pants along with a warm looking sweater and jacket. She flushed when she remembered her own outfit; worn jeans and an oversized sweatshirt, her feet shoved into her oldest athletic shoes and hair pulled back into her ever-present ponytail. _Why couldn't she have put on something nicer this morning?_ She took the pen—it was heavy; obviously expensive—and nodded her thanks.

He was silent for a moment as he watched her sign the statement.

"You don't talk much, do you?"

Eun Sang tried to hide her shaking hands as she handed the pen back to him.

"Come to think of it, you don't ever say much, do you?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet his. _He had noticed her before?_

"What's your name?"

"Cha Eun Sang." Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, Miss Cha Eun Sang, but I hope that the next time we meet you're serving me juice," he snorted.

She took it the wrong way. Of course she did. She tried to remind herself that at least she had gotten to see her flower again. It was a gift, really—this was her day off. Normally, she would have gone a whole day without him. Her practical side tried to shore her up against the vulnerabilities of her traitor heart. Inside, she felt like she was dying, but her head nodded vigorously in agreement with his statement. She needed to escape.

Standing up, she approached the policeman, still engaged in conversation with Lawyer Kim. She bowed deeply. "Excuse me, sir. Is there anything else that you need from me?"

The policeman looked over at her distractedly, waving his hand at her in dismissal. She bowed once more and then scurried toward the door.

From behind her, she heard him yell, "See you tomorrow, Miss Cha Eun Sang!"

She wasn't sure whether to weep or laugh. She indulged in a little of both on the long walk home.

* * *

When she arrived at work the next morning, she had convinced herself that she was being ridiculous. Fate had conspired to bring them together momentarily. Now, when he came in for his daily juice, he might be a little friendlier; he might even remember her name. That was all. To let her heart hope that something else might come of it—it was foolish.

She worked hard. Keeping busy meant that she didn't have time to think. She was so busy that she was shocked to look up and see him standing at the counter. Her guard was down and she accidentally looked directly at him.

She saw that he was surprised by the eye contact and she quickly dropped her eyes back down to the cash register. _What if he saw? What if he knew? _He was sporting a black eye in addition to the bruising on his cheekbone.

"What happened to your eye?" she blurted out.

She didn't look up, but she heard the note of tension in his voice. "I ran into a door. I'd like my usual." The words were clipped and cold.

"_Why, Eun Sang? Why did you ask him about that? Of course he's not going to tell you anything. What are you to him?"_

Her hands shook slightly as she rung up his order. "That will be ￦6500."

He handed her ￦50,000 note. "Keep the change. Get yourself something."

She stiffened. "Please, customer, let me give you your change."

"Keep it," he ordered, his voice hard.

"I'm sorry, customer. I can't do that. Please let me give you your change." She didn't want him to think of her that way—pity was worse than indifference.

Maybe he heard the note of desperation in her voice or maybe it was just too much effort to continue to argue with her—either way, he grabbed the bills from her hand, stalking off to the side to wait.

Eun Sang bit her lip to stop from crying as she made his drink. She bowed slightly as she placed it on the side counter, not brave enough to look up to gage his mood.

"Thank you. I— I'm sorry." He turned and walked swiftly out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

After that, things changed.

He ignored her; she avoided making eye contact.

She thought her heart might break. This was worse. At least before he would sometimes smile at her or acknowledge her with a nod. Now she was invisible. He'd even started coming in at the point in her shift when she was responsible for cleaning rather than the counter.

Glancing up at the clock, Eun Sang sighed. An hour left in her shift and then she'd be able to go home and hide in her bed. She continued mopping, only looking up again when she heard the door open.

He'd brought a girl this time.

The girl was beautiful. She was everything that Eun Sang was not; tall, slender, poised, and confident. Eun Sang watched as the girl flipped her hair over her shoulder, laughing flirtatiously at something he'd said. They breezed past her, stepping up to the counter and pointing at the menu, chatting comfortably.

She stood frozen in the middle of the tables, mop in hand. Eun Sang heard them behind her. Still, she couldn't move. The small, practical side of her brain that hadn't been paralyzed with pain urged her to keep moving; if she didn't, she would draw attention. Mechanically, she began sweeping back and forth over the floor. She watched their reflections in the window, marvelling at how perfectly they were matched. Her arms continued to move independently of the riot in her brain.

Choi Young Do and the girl took their drinks and moved to the door. The girl linked her arm through his and leaned on him slightly, smiling up at him. He moved to open the door for her, unlinking their arms as he moved to reach for the handle. As he followed her out, he stopped for a moment and looked Eun Sang's direction. Their eyes met in the reflection of the window for the briefest of moments. He looked away quickly and followed the girl out.

* * *

Eun Sang wasn't sure how she'd gotten home. She looked up to find herself in front of the small apartment she shared with her mother with no recollection of the walk and bus ride. If she didn't get herself under control, her mother would know something was wrong.

Pasting a smile on her face, she opened the door and walked in to find her mother sitting at the small kitchen table holding a piece of paper in her hands. It was evident she was angry.

"_When were you going to tell me about this?"_ she signed, shoving the piece of paper at her.

Eun Sang looked down at the paper in confusion. It was a subpoena. The man who had attacked her was requesting a trial.

"Eomma, I'm sorry. There was an incident at work a few weeks ago. I was a witness. I didn't think anything would happen."

Her mother's eyes widened._ "Why didn't you tell me?"_

"I didn't want you to worry. I know you don't like when I work the closing shift. I was afraid you would stop me."

"_I was afraid you'd stop me and then I would never see him again,"_ she thought to herself.

Her mother sighed and rubbed her forehead. _"I'll have to take off work and go with you. As a minor, you can't go by yourself. We'll go tomorrow."_

"I'm sorry, eomma."

Her mother reached across the table and patted her cheek, smiling sadly at her. _"Eun Sang, you need to take better care of yourself. What if something had happened to you? What would I have done? You look so tired. You shouldn't be working this hard."_

"Don't worry. I'm going to take the GED soon and then I'll be able to get a better job. Just a little bit longer." Eun Sang held on to her mother's hand, leaning into it and closing her eyes, allowing herself to indulge in a moment of self-pity. By the time she opened her eyes again, she had shaken it off. She smiled widely at her mother. "I'm not hungry. I'm going to go to bed. I love you, eomma."

* * *

The next morning, Eun Sang and her mother found themselves seated on hard plastic chairs outside the prosecutor's office.

She was nervous. Not because of the interview—she knew that it would be a fairly straightforward explanation of the events.

_What if he was here? _

Her mother would know. _How could she not?_

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Choi Young Do walk in with Lawyer Kim.

"This is ridiculous. You don't have to answer any questions," fumed the lawyer. "Wait here." He continued in to the office, slamming the door behind him.

They sat in silence for a long time. She couldn't bring herself to look up at him, but she watched his legs pace back and forth for a minute. Finally he leaned up against the wall. Frustration radiated off of him in waves and it made Eun Sang hunch further into herself.

"Is your cheek better?" he asked.

Her head snapped up. She looked directly into his eyes and immediately flushed. A sharp jab to her side distracted her.

"_You got hurt?"_ her mother signed.

Eun Sang had covered the bruise with make-up until it healed. "I didn't want you to worry, eomma."

Her mother was furious with her. Her hands moved rapidly as she signed, _"Eun Sang, you are still a child. It is my job to take care of you. I don't think it's safe for you to be working that late at night. Maybe you should find another job."_

"No, eomma! It's okay! I'll be more careful."

She sensed that Choi Young Do was following the exchange with interest, but she was too worried about her mother to care.

"_And what about this boy? Who is he?"_

"He helped me that night. He's a customer from the store."

Her mother eyed her with suspicion. _"Translate for me." _

Eun Sang's eyes widened, but she nodded.

"_Tell him 'thank you' for helping you that night. I would like to repay his kindness by cooking him a meal."_

"Eomma, no!"

Her mother gave her a hard look. _"Translate. Now."_

She looked over to where he stood, still watching the exchange intently. She nodded her head slightly to draw his attention. "My mother wanted to thank you for helping me that night. She also— She wanted to—"

Her mother jabbed her again.

"She wanted to cook for you—to thank you." She hesitated for a moment, knowing how ridiculous the words probably sounded to him.

To her shock, he bowed to her mother. "Thank you, ahjumma. I would like that." He gave Eun Sang's mother a genuine smile. Her stomach felt like it was in knots.

Her mother nodded. _"Ask him if he can come tonight."_

She hesitated again.

"_Eun Sang, you're an open book sometimes." _Her mother smiled and patted her face fondly. _"Ask him."_

"Can you come tonight?"

"Yes."

She felt her face grow red as she gave him directions to their apartment. It was obvious from their address that they didn't have much money, but he said nothing, simply nodding.

Just then, Lawyer Kim walked out, a self-satisfied smile on his face. "You're both free to go. The defendant saw the error of his ways and will be pleading guilty all the charges."

Choi Young Do stood up and bowed to her mother again. "Goodbye, ahjumma." He nodded at her and then walked away.

She waited until he was out of earshot. "Eomma!"

Her mother smiled broadly.


	4. Chapter 4

The amount of food her mother had prepared was staggering. Eun Sang was afraid that the table might break under the weight.

"Eomma!"

Her mother gave her a withering look. _"What? He's a growing boy."_

A knock on the door caused her to jump, her heart racing.

She took a minute in front of the door to compose herself. Her hands were shaking as she opened it.

He took her breath away. He was dressed in a suit and tie, expertly tailored to the lines of his body. In his hands was a large bouquet of flowers. She realized that she'd been staring, and flushed. She quickly stepped aside to let him in.

He ducked as he walked through the doorway, stopping just inside to look around. Her mother came bustling in, smiling broadly at him. He handed her mother the flowers and she gestured at him to follow. He did, with barely a glance at Eun Sang.

She stood alone in the hall for a moment, trying to calm her racing heart. She flushed even harder when she looked down at what she was wearing. The skirt had been nice ten years ago—now it was faded and slightly shapeless. Her white t-shirt and cardigan were serviceable, but obviously not new. It was the nicest outfit she had.

Walking into the kitchen, she was greeted by the sight of Choi Young Do folded awkwardly into one of their small dining chairs. His knees were nearly up to his ears. From across the table, her mother was pushing dishes toward him, making a sign for him to eat. He looked uncomfortable and stiff, but picked up his utensils and started eating.

After a few bites, he looked up at her mother and said, "This is very good. Thank you, ahjumma."

Her mother beamed. She looked up to where Eun Sang stood off to the side, a gleam in her eye. She waved her over.

Eun Sang perched at the edge of the third chair, trying not to openly stare at him while he ate. Only a few feet separated them and she could feel in detail where every atom of his body was. His nearness made her dizzy. She started when she her mother touched her shoulder.

"_Tell him I'm going to write."_

She cleared her throat to get his attention. "My mother will write to communicate with you." Her voice sounded squeaky.

He nodded, setting his utensils down to give her mother his full attention.

Her mother held up a notebook, writing already clearly visible on the page. Eun Sang was surprised. _Did she prepare this before—_ She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Her mother held up the notebook at an angle where it was difficult for her to read. She tried casually to crane her neck in order to read the writing. Her mother glared at her and then turned it so that it was completely out of view.

Eun Sang looked over to where Young Do sat. She watched as he smiled slightly, reading the note. He nodded his head and her mother flipped to the next page. His face grew serious. He looked down at the food spread on the table, then back up to meet her mother's eyes. He held her gaze for a moment, then nodded again. She looked over to see her mother smiling sadly.

"Eomma, what—" she stammered.

Her mother cut her off. _"I thanked him."_

Choi Young Do resumed eating, his focus completely on the bowl in front of him.

"But, eomma—"

"_Eat, Eun Sang."_ Her body language made it clear that there would be no further discussion.

* * *

The next day, she threw herself into her work in an effort to forget the previous night. Choi Young Do had been content to stay quiet throughout the dinner, only speaking to thank her mother again for the dinner and to take his leave shortly thereafter.

After finishing her closing duties, she grabbed her coat and bag and flipped the lights off. She took a deep breath as she walked outside, relishing the cold air after the stuffiness of the coffee shop.

"I'll take you home."

She jumped in surprise, turning to find Choi Young Do waiting.

"You're going to take me home?" she asked slowly.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it's not safe for you to be out by yourself this late at night. Let's go."

Eun Sang didn't move. The pieces of the puzzle finally came together. "My mother asked you to do this, didn't she?" She was furious. _How could she do this to me? She knows—_ Groaning, she buried her head in her hands. "You don't have to do this. I mean, why would you want to—"

"I'll take you home," he said gently, but insistently.

"I don't need your pity!" Her words echoed shrilly in the empty street. The vehemence of her emotions surprised even her.

He moved closer to her, speaking as if to a child. "I don't pity you, Cha Eun Sang. Let me take you home."

She turned and stalked away, not caring if he followed.

* * *

He did follow.

He sat next to her at the bus stop and got on the bus with her.

She paid for his fare because he didn't realize he needed to pay to ride the bus.

He sat in the row of seats behind her and got off at her stop.

She didn't speak to him the whole way.

He followed her inside the apartment. Her mother smiled brightly when she saw him trail in behind her. Taking both of their coats, she urged them into the kitchen where Eun Sang saw another huge spread of food.

"Eomma!" she hissed, following her mother back into the hallway. "What is going on?"

"_He needs to eat too. We need to fatten him up a bit."_

"He has a home and a family and access to five star restaurants. Why does he need to eat our food?" Eun Sang lowered her voice. "We can't afford this."

Her mother dismissed her with a wave of her hand. _"It's not that expensive. I got a raise at work too."_

"What? You didn't tell me."

"_It just happened. It's enough that you might even be able to go back to school."_

Eun Sang froze in shock. "Eomma."

Her mother patted her face. _"Go. Eat. We'll talk about it later."_

* * *

Every night after that, Choi Young Do would walk her home and eat dinner with them. He didn't talk much, but always politely thanked her mother for the meal.

She still wasn't used to his constant presence in her life.

One night, just as they were sitting down to eat, he cleared his throat softly and spoke. "Ahjumma, you said that Cha Eun Sang should go back to school soon."

Her mother nodded distractedly and continued serving the food.

He spoke again. "I think she should go to my school."

She choked on the spoonful of rice that she had just eaten. Sputtering, she took a drink of water and swallowed hard. She looked over to see her mother nodding excitedly.

Eun Sang hesitated. "I don't think that we can afford—"

"There's a scholarship. You can apply."

"_So it's settled,"_ her mother signed.

The two of them went back to their food as if there was nothing else to say. Eun Sang's eyes darted back and forth between the two of them, but they gave nothing away. She had the sneaking suspicion that she had been outmaneuvered by her own mother.

Trying to preserve some dignity, she pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. "I'll consider it. I'm full. Excuse me."

In her hurry to leave, she missed the small smiles exchanged across the table.


	5. Chapter 5

Months passed and they had settled into a comfortable routine. Every night, he would walk her home and eat dinner. He'd started staying later, watching television with them or working on homework. Occasionally, he would turn up to eat even on the days she didn't work.

The black eyes, cuts, and bruises appeared on him regularly. Eun Sang wasn't brave enough to ask, though she was fairly sure her mother knew something. She'd noticed that he was quieter on those nights. Her fingers itched to comfort him—to smooth the lines from between his eyebrows and soothe the pain of his wounds. She held herself back, scared it would drive him away. Instead, she gave him the gift of her silence—acceptance and understanding in the face of whatever demons he was facing.

So, it was no surprise when she swung the door open on a sunny spring afternoon and found him standing there. What was a surprise, though, were the extent of his injuries.

His right eye was swollen completely shut, a large gash cutting through his eyebrow. His lip was also cut and swollen and she could see marks on his throat in the shape of fingers. He stood completely still, staring straight ahead, almost as if he was allowing her time to process his appearance.

"Oh, Young Do." She couldn't keep the sorrow out of her voice.

For a moment, she could see him struggle with his emotions. She wouldn't let him break down in the street. Gently, she took his arm and led him inside, steering him to a chair. He sat, almost in a daze, his face blank.

"Hold on. I'll get the first aid kit." She spoke softly, afraid she might startle him.

He nodded, then winced.

As she cleaned him up, she resisted the urge to ask what had happened and instead babbled about whatever popped into her head. "Eomma just went out to the market. She should be back soon. I still haven't heard about the scholarship. I'm just waiting. Maybe I'll hear today. What do you think?"

He didn't speak.

She kept talking. "Are you going to stay for dinner? What should we eat? I feel like something spicy. I always like spicy food in the spring. Do you like spicy food? I don't know if I've ever—"

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her on to his lap, hugging her tightly. She froze in shock. Looking down at him, she saw that his eyes were closed. His arms tightened around her waist.

Slowly, she moved her hand up to rest on his hair. She held it there for a second, and then smoothed her hand over the top of his head and down his neck, letting it come to rest between his shoulder blades. He leaned into her, burying his head in her shoulder.

He had to hear her heart pounding. The thought made it race even more.

She heard the door open and she jumped up, moving to put distance between them. She busied herself, packing up the items from the first aid kit.

He mother walked into the kitchen, bags filling both hands. She stopped when she saw Choi Young Do. He stood up and bowed. "Hello, ahjumma. Can I help you?" Her mother's eyes stayed fixed on his face as he moved to relieve her of the bags. After a moment, she straightened her shoulders, moving to stand next to him as he started unpacking the purchases.

"_You'll stay here tonight. I'm making dubu jjigae—your favorite."_

His back was turned, but she saw him pause in the act of putting away a can. He took a deep breath and then nodded. "Thank you, ahjumma."

* * *

They made a bed for him on the floor, piling blankets and pillows in the middle of their small living room. Her mother found an old pair of pajamas buried in the bottom of a box in her closet.

"_They were my husband's. He was tall—like you."_ She smiled at Young Do and touched his face softly, careful to avoid his injuries.

He face remained stoic, but there was a hint of something in his voice when he spoke. "Thank you, ahjumma."

Eun Sang closed the door to her room, turning to lean against it as she drew a deep breath for the first time all night. She thought that she had been starting to gain control over her emotions. After tonight, though— A tingle ran from her shoulder through her body when she remembered the feel of his head resting there.

Still, she didn't have any illusions about what had happened in the kitchen. He needed comfort and she gave it to him. She would be fooling herself if she read into it any more than that.

She changed quickly and got under the covers, flipping off the light. She stared up at the ceiling for a long time, feeling his presence through the darkness. Finally, she fell asleep.

* * *

_The rocks hit her in the head and on her sides. She could feel blood on her cheeks and bruises forming on her ribs. Moving to protect herself, she hunched up into the tightest ball possible. _

"_Is that how your family earns money now that your father's dead? Your sister whores herself out? It's only a matter of time until you're on your back too."_

_She covered her ears. She wouldn't listen._

"_Whore!"_

_The stones kept coming. _

"_Please," she begged. "Stop, please!"_

* * *

Eun Sang woke to the sound of her own crying and warm arms around her.

"_Appa," _she thought to herself. She snuggled deeper into his arms. Then she realized she'd been dreaming. Her father was dead. She scrambled out of the bed, flipping on the light.

Choi Young Do sat on the side of the bed, blinking at the sudden brightness.

She felt her entire body turn red. It was then she remembered that she was dressed only in an oversized t-shirt. She grabbed the bedspread and wrapped it around herself, hoping he hadn't seen anything.

"I— Um— I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," she stammered.

"It's okay. I wasn't asleep."

"I had—a nightmare. Sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"Right. Sorry—"

He chuckled. The sound of it did funny things to her stomach and she was suddenly aware that she was only half-dressed and alone with a boy in her bedroom. She felt a flush spread over her cheeks again.

"I was only half-awake when you— I didn't know it was you, I thought it was my—" she trailed off.

His face was intent as he responded. "I know. I have nightmares about— I have them too."

They studied each other in silence for a moment, recognizing a moment of shared understanding in the half-completed sentences.

It was in that moment that Eun Sang felt herself fall more deeply in love with him.

Her earlier emotions—the fluttering of her heart and the lightheadedness—those were symptoms of infatuation. That kind of love was fleeting and shallow in its scope. What she felt now— It was as if her whole body ached; not for the pain of her unrequited love, but in response to the pain she could see in him.

He cleared his throat and stood up, as if suddenly remembering where he was. "I'll let you get back to sleep."

She was rooted to the spot, thoughts swirling through her head. She couldn't speak.

He stopped beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Good night, Cha Eun Sang." Quietly, he padded back out to the living room, closing the door behind him.

She didn't sleep for the rest of the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Things between them still didn't change. He didn't touch her again.

She was being greedy. She knew that. The fact that he'd found comfort in her for even a moment should have been enough to sustain her.

She wanted more.

Somehow, she knew that he couldn't give her more than that moment; not now—maybe never.

And so she tucked the memory away, remembering it during a quiet moment at work or in the darkness of her bedroom just before she drifted into sleep.

She wanted more.

* * *

A few days later, she received the scholarship award letter; she would be attending Jeguk High. Her mother was ecstatic, though Eun Sang still wasn't sure how they were going to survive on one income. The raise that her mother had received at work had improved their situation, but she knew that the uniform and school supplies would be expensive.

Eun Sang had taken on extra shifts to help put aside money, but she was still well short of what she would need. It was her first day off in over a week and she was determined not to spend the time worrying. Instead, she spent a quiet afternoon with her mother, helping her shop and prepare dinner. She and her mother had just finished chopping the vegetables when they heard a knock at the front door. Her mother smiled over at her, shaking her head.

"_He could just let himself in," _she signed.

After that night, her mother had given Choi Young Do a key to their apartment. _"Just in case," _she had said. He hadn't used it yet, though bruises continued to appear.

Eun Sang smiled back at her mother, wiping her hands on a towel and moving to the door. Swinging it open, she was surprised to see him loaded down with bags.

"Here," he said quickly, handing her some of the bags.

She took them and moved to the side to allow him in.

"What is all this?"

"Things you need for school." He kept walking as he spoke, moving with purpose toward the kitchen.

She felt her stomach sink.

Opening one of the bags at random, she saw a brand new laptop and bag. They were obviously expensive.

Walking slowly into the kitchen, she found her mother and Choi Young Do pulling things out of the bags and sorting them on the table. There were notebooks and pens and binders spread out in piles; more than she could ever possibly use. Standing in the doorway, she watched as Young Do tapped her mother on the shoulder to get her attention. Slowly, he pulled out a school uniform from the bag, presenting it to her. He never showed much emotion, but his happiness was evident. Her mother's hands flew to her face, shock written on her features, her eyes welling with tears.

Eun Sang stepped forward. "Stop."

They turned to look at her.

"Please, stop." It pained her to say the words. "Eomma, we— We can't accept this. It's too much."

His face went blank, a cold mask dropping over his features. "May I ask why?"

The ice in his words went straight to her heart. But she knew—how could she look him in the eye. Eun Sang knew that if she had any hope of a relationship with Choi Young Do, he had to see her as an equal—as someone worthy in his eyes. How could she be worthy of him when she couldn't even manage something as simple as school supplies?

"Choi Young Do," she spoke slowly, trying to choose her words carefully. "I appreciate what you have done for me, but I can't take these things from you. They're too expensive. It wouldn't be right."

He drew himself up and approached her. The way he loomed over her as he drew close made her uneasy, and she took a step back. He came very close to her and then bent down so their faces were level. He looked directly at her for a long moment and then spoke. "You'll never understand, will you?"

He straightened and strode out of the kitchen. The front door slammed hard as he left.

She looked at her mother in shock and was surprised to see a disapproving look on her face.

"_Eun Sang, you must learn to think before you speak."_

"Eomma! Are you seriously suggesting that we accept this from him?"

"_Yes. I am."_

"Why? It's charity. It feels wrong to accept it."

"_Why? Because it hurts your pride? Did you ever stop to think about his pride?"_

Eun Sang blanched as her mother's words sank in. "What do you mean?"

"_Oh, Eun Sang."_ Her mother shook her head sadly. _"You're still so young. How hard do you think it's been for him? He just wants to repay some of the kindness we have shown him. This is the only way he knows. To throw it back in his face like that— Before you can truly love someone, you have to understand their pain. Otherwise how will you know how to love them the way they deserve?"_

The words were a knife to her heart.

Her mother walked over and drew her into an embrace. Tears spilled over her cheeks and on to her mother's shoulder.

* * *

Choi Young Do stopped coming to their house. Instead of walking her home at night, he sent a car and driver to pick her up after work.

The night before her first day at Jeguk High, there was a knock on the front door. Eun Sang ran to it, trying to catch her breath and slow her racing heart as she swung it open.

It was him.

He looked tired and thinner. Her hand moved toward his face before she knew what she was doing. He pushed it away.

"Don't touch me," he snapped.

She felt tears pool in her eyes, but blinked them back as she moved to the side to allow him to enter.

She stood in the hallway for a long moment, trying to contain her emotions. By the time she entered the kitchen, she found that her mother had already sat him down with a large bowl of stew. He ate as if his last meal had been weeks ago. Eun Sang and her mother watched in silence as he finished two servings. After taking his last bite, he wiped his mouth and then took a moment to compose himself.

He looked up, staring directly at Eun Sang. "I'm here to prepare Cha Eun Sang for her first day at school."

She stared at him in confusion.

"If you go in to Jeguk High unprepared, they will eat you alive."


	7. Chapter 7

Young Do had been tense from the moment they had walked into the school. She felt it radiating off of him in waves. To the casual observer, he looked calm and collected—but she wasn't a casual observer. Nothing about Eun Sang's feelings toward him could be described as "casual."

He remained close to her as they moved through the hallways. They were attracting a good deal of attention—it made her nervous as she thought that the whole point was to for her to blend in.

A boy bounded up on Young Do's left side, nudging him. "Who is she?"

"None of your concern, Myung Soo."

The boy grinned and then shifted to walk alongside Eun Sang. "Hello! What family are you from?"

She smiled at him, but didn't answer. Choi Young Do made it clear that the less the student body knew about her, the better. Eventually, interest in her would wane and they would be on to the next intrigue. She just had to make it to that point without any missteps.

"Myung Soo. Stop talking. Go and wash—you smell like a club." Young Do quickened his pace, forcing her to jog slightly to keep up with his long legs. From behind her, she heard the other boy laugh, but he didn't follow. Eun Sang breathed a sigh of relief.

"Don't relax yet. That was nothing." He spoke in a low voice.

She shivered. "_Why did I think this was a good idea? Oh, that's right—anything to be close to him. You're ridiculous, Cha Eun Sang."_ She was so lost in her thoughts that she failed to notice his abrupt stop, only looking up when she ran into someone.

The boy's smile was friendly, but his expression shifted quickly when he glanced behind her. She felt a hand grab her arm from behind and pull her back. Turning, she was surprised to see Young Do's face contorted with rage. A look passed between the two boys—one that she didn't understand. The other boy turned abruptly and walked away.

Young Do stared after him for a long moment, then turned her to face him. "Stay away from him. This is very important, Cha Eun Sang. Do you understand?"

She nodded at him in confusion. "I understand, but why—"

"Don't ask me any questions. Just stay away from Kim Tan."

* * *

Young Do motioned to the seat next to him in the classroom. She sat, trying to get a sense of the other students without drawing attention to the fact that she was observing them.

"Of course," Young Do muttered under his breath.

Eun Sang looked up to see the boy she had run into from the hallway. She met his eyes and then blushed, quickly looking away. He moved to take an empty seat in the front.

The teacher breezed in, placing her briefcase and books on her desk. She glanced around at the students, her eyes narrowing when they landed on Eun Sang. "Cha Eun Sang?"

Eun Sang bobbed her head nervously in response.

"Please come to the front and introduce yourself to your classmates."

She stood up nervously, glancing at Young Do in panic. _"What do I say? They'll know. They'll know," _she thought to herself.

She made her way to the front of the classroom, fear making her clumsy as she tripped over her own feet. Giggles came from behind her and she felt her face turn red. Turning, she faced the class and bowed.

"Hello. My name is Cha Eun Sang. I have just transferred here. Please take care of me." She bowed again and quickly began moving back toward her seat.

"Wait!" One of the boys in the classroom raised his hand. "I have a question. Why did you transfer here?"

Panicked, she looked at Young Do, hoping for an indication of what she should say. She saw him start to speak when another voice interrupted.

"Teacher! I am also a transfer student."

"I hardly think you need to introduce yourself, Kim Tan."

He stood up, winking at Eun Sang as he moved past her to stand at the front of the class. "My name is Kim Tan. I recently returned from America. I am eager to make new friends and reunite with my old acquaintances." He stared directly at Young Do for a moment, then tossed off a jaunty bow and strolled back to his seat, winking at her once more.

The teacher shook her head and started class.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Young Do stuck close to her side. When they had separate classes, he would walk her to the door and was waiting outside for her when it was over. She wasn't sure how he was managing it—either he was sneaking out of his classes early or skipping them altogether. It made her feel guilty.

She tried to broach the topic on the car ride home. "Um, Choi Young Do? I think it will be fine tomorrow. I don't think you need to follow me so closely. I'm sure I can manage."

He didn't look at her as he responded. "You're my responsibility. You don't understand how things work there. Until it calms down some, I'm not letting you out of my sight."

His words made her feel small. "But still, there's nothing they can really do to me." She forced her voice to remain cheerful and upbeat.

Turning to her, he spoke slowly, as if to a child. "Trust me, Cha Eun Sang. They can get to you. And your mother asked me to look after you—you're my responsibility."

Her stomach sank. "That's why you're doing this?" she asked incredulously. "And all this time I thought maybe— But no. Of course not. I don't want to burden you, Choi Young Do. I don't need you to protect me. I've been taking care of myself for a long time." She spat the words at him.

He was taken aback by the sudden change in her demeanor. He looked almost confused. "Cha Eun Sang, I didn't—"

"Please stop the car."

The driver pulled over quickly and she opened the door and jumped out.

"Cha Eun Sang!" He called out through the open car door. "You're going to walk home? It's cold. You're being childish. Get back in the car."

She turned to look at him. "You'll never understand, will you?" She didn't wait to see his reaction. Closing the car door, she drew her coat up around her and started walking home.

She was determined to finish crying before she reached home.


	8. Chapter 8

The walk home had cleared her head and she felt calmer. Opening the door, she expected to find her mother cooking dinner. Instead, it was dark, with only a dim light spilling out of the kitchen. Choi Young Do was also nowhere to be found. After the argument in the car, she wasn't surprised that he was avoiding her.

Sighing, Eun Sang slipped into her house shoes, dropping her bag and jacket in the hall, and making her way to her bedroom. Digging through her closet, she found an old pair of shorts and a t-shirt. If she was going to have the house to herself for once, she was going to relax.

Checking her phone, she saw that her mother had sent her a text message: _"Working late. Fix dinner for yourself and Young Do. Hope you had a good first day."_

She rolled her eyes at the phone and then plugged in her headphones. Singing along softly, she made her way to the kitchen. She flipped on the light and then screamed; Choi Young Do sat at the kitchen table.

"What are you doing?" she shrieked, ripping the earbuds from her head.

"I—" His eyes darted down to her legs and then quickly moved away. "I thought we should talk."

"So you're sitting in the dark?" She knew her face was red, but she didn't want to draw more attention by acknowledging her embarrassment. Abruptly she turned, moving to the fridge for ingredients. "Are you hungry? There's plenty of food." She froze as she felt him move behind her, placing his hand over hers, forcing the fridge closed. He stood so close that she could feel the heat from his body.

"Let's talk."

She was nervous now. There was no denying it. He could probably feel her trembling. Still, she didn't turn to face him. "Okay."

He moved away, and she heard a chair scrape on the floor. Taking a moment to compose herself, she waited before following him. Finally moving, she took the chair across the table from him, folding her hands in front of her as she waited for him to speak. As she looked at him, she realized that he actually seemed nervous. She had never seen him that way before—it made her dread what was coming.

"Cha Eun Sang, I know that—" He stopped for a moment, seeming to need a moment to collect his thoughts. He took a deep breath and started again. "I know that I can be a difficult person to be around. I'm asking you to stay away from Kim Tan. I have my reasons. I hope you understand when I say that I'd rather not explain what they are." He took another deep breath and met her eyes. "Am I doing this because your mother asked me to? Yes. I have a great deal of respect for your mother—and for you—and I would like to repay the kindness shown to me. This is the only way I know how." He paused for a moment and then dropped his gaze back down to the table. "I can't give you anything else. I can't give you what you want, Eun Sang. I'm sorry."

He was rejecting her.

She was paralyzed with humiliation. She did the only thing she could think to do. "I don't know what you're talking about," she stammered. Forcing herself to move, she jumped up from the table and started grabbing things at random from the fridge. "What do you want for dinner?" She bustled around the kitchen, trying not to cry.

"I think I'd better go."

She remained facing the counter, not turning even when she heard him push the chair back and stand.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'll pick you up at the same time." She could hear the pity in his voice—she couldn't bear to turn around and see it reflected in his eyes. She nodded, her back still to him.

"Bye, Cha Eun Sang," he said softly. She didn't move until she heard the front door close. Quickly, she put away all the food she had pulled out and then went to her bedroom. She slipped into bed, pulling the covers up over her head. She wouldn't let herself cry. Eventually, she fell asleep.

* * *

Her mother noticed the tension between the next morning, but said nothing.

For her part, Eun Sang felt numb—the feeling was welcome. For the past few months, her heart had leaped every time he was near. She felt drunk in his presence, hardly able to focus. But now it was clear that he couldn't—or wouldn't—return her feelings. It was time for her to let go of her flower.

And maybe that had been her problem to begin with; she had idealized him—put him on such a high pedestal that she had never bothered to look beyond the superficial. He was closed so tightly that she wondered if anything would be able to penetrate beyond his outer shell. While it was certainly the case that he had started to let down his guard, she realized now that it would be impossible to move beyond that unless he wanted to let someone inside.

Last night made it clear that she was not that person.

They didn't speak on the car ride to school. The silence, for once, didn't feel uncomfortable. It was a relief to feel like she didn't have to work so hard to hold his attention.

The silence continued throughout most of the day. They spoke to each other only when it was required. She sat across from him in their last class, doodling absent-mindedly in her notebook, only looking up when she heard someone call her name.

"Cha Eun Sang."

"Yes," she answered, looking up quickly to find the teacher and most of the class staring her direction. She flushed.

"Thank you for finally responding. I want you and Kim Tan to stay after class."

"Yes, teacher," she said, nodding her head in deference.

Just then the bell rang and most of the class jumped up, rushing to escape for the day.

"I'll wait outside," Young Do said as he moved to the door. She watched as he gave Kim Tan a dark look and received a cocky smile in response.

She and Kim Tan moved to the front of the room, both reaching to take the pieces of paper held out by the teacher. She looked at it to find a list of novels.

"You'll need to make up the group assignment that the other students completed last week. You will need to give a presentation on the major themes of one of these novels. Work together and choose one novel. Let me know tomorrow which one you'll be choosing. That's all." She dismissed them with a wave.

Eun Sang turned to look at Kim Tan. He had a broad smile on his face and her stomach sank.

"Which book do you want to do? I've read all of them, so it doesn't matter to me." His voice was positively gleeful.

"Um—" She started moving toward the door as she spoke, trying to figure out a way to escape the inevitable confrontation waiting outside the classroom. "I'm not sure." She spoke slowly. "Why don't I look over the list tonight and I'll let you know tomorrow."

"Why don't we exchange numbers? That way you can text me and tell me which book. I'd like to get started on this as soon as possible."

It was a reasonable request, but he saw the hesitation on her face.

He stopped her short of the doorway. "Listen. I know that Choi Young Do has probably told you things about me. Honestly, though, I just want to get this done." He put his hand over his heart. "Promise," he said, throwing her a cheeky smile.

In reality, Choi Young Do hadn't told her anything. _"Why should I stay away from Kim Tan?" _she asked herself. There was no reason.

She smiled back at him. "Okay." As they walked out the door, she recited the number to him. He put it in his phone and sent her his number in return. "I'll text you tonight," she said.

"Great." Kim Tan looked behind her and she saw his expression shift rapidly. She knew that Choi Young Do had moved to stand behind her. "See you tomorrow," he said firmly and walked off.

A hand on her arm spun her around forcefully. "What was that?" Choi Young Do demanded. He was angry and barely had it under control.

"We exchanged numbers." She didn't owe him any explanation.

His hand tightened on her arm, almost to the point of pain. "I told you to stay away from him."

She gave him a hard look. "I can't do that." She waited a moment before continuing, enjoying the look of confusion on his face. "We've been assigned as partners for a project."

"Switch partners."

"We're the only ones who haven't done the assignment yet."

He turned away from her and punched a locker.

His reaction frightened her. She had never seen him like this before. He spun back around and grabbed her upper arms, forcing her back against the wall. "You have to stay away from him."

Wide-eyed, she looked up at him. "I don't know what you want me to do. We have to make up the work." She paused for a moment, gathering her courage. "Whatever it is between you, it has nothing to do with me."

It was as if she had stabbed him—his eyes reflected the pain. As soon as it showed, he quickly buried it, assuming his normal indifferent mask. "You're right." His voice was hard. "Let's go. I'll drop you off at work."

He walked off, leaving her staring after him in confusion.

"_What just happened?_" she wondered.


	9. Chapter 9

His car brought her home from work, but Choi Young Do had already left by the time she arrived. Her mother sat with her in the kitchen as she ate leftovers.

"_What did you do to him?"_ her mother asked.

Eun Sang stopped chewing and put her spoon down, giving her mother a pointed look. "Did you ask him what he did?"

"_He was too quiet. I know you must have upset him somehow."_

"Why do you defend him? He's being unreasonable. At least if he told me—" She broke off, sighing. "I like him, eomma, but he doesn't make it easy. How am I supposed to defend him—to accept his behavior—if he doesn't try and help me understand it?"

"_How does he know you'll be able to understand? Have you shown him that you're willing to listen? What if the reason is not something that can be easily understood?"_

"I'm not his enemy. We've done nothing but help him. What else am I supposed to do? He pushes everyone away. Just when you think you might be getting through his defenses, he shuts himself off again."

Her mother reached across the table and took her hand, giving it a brief squeeze before releasing it again. _"Is he worth it?"_

"I don't know."

"_What does your heart tell you?"_

"I barely know him."

"_You know enough. You know that he's kind, brave, thoughtful, generous, and lonely. You know that he wants to be loved. It's obvious that he wants to give love in return—he just doesn't know the right way. Are you willing to wait for him to figure that out?"_ Her mother's face grew serious. _"Eun Sang, listen to me. If you aren't willing to fight for him, then stop now. This won't end well for either of you if you're not willing to make the effort."_

She stared at her mother across the table. "Eomma, what is going on? Why are you saying this? Why would I have to fight for him?"

"_He's a good boy, underneath it all. And while it may look like he has everything, I can tell you that when it comes down to it, there's very little he can actually call his own. Eun Sang, you have an incredibly capacity for love and for understanding, if you just learn to open yourself to the possibilities."_

"Does this have to do with the bruises? The cuts?"

Her mother wouldn't meet her eyes. _"I've said more than I should. Just promise me you'll think about it."_

She nodded. Rising, her mother moved quietly to the sink to wash the dinner dishes. Eun Sang stared at her for a moment, then went to her room, closing the door behind her.

* * *

"_How about _The Great Gatsby_?"_

"_Sounds good. Do you want to meet in the library after school tomorrow?"_

"_Okay. See you then."_

"_Have a good night."_

"_You too."_

Eun Sang closed the cover to her phone and lay back on the bed.

Kim Tan seemed nice enough. Granted, she hadn't had much interaction with him, but there was nothing about him that appeared to warrant that kind of reaction from Choi Young Do.

What had happened between them?

Her mother's words kept echoing in her head.

How was she supposed to fight for Choi Young Do when she wasn't even sure what the fight was about? Maybe her mother was reading the situation wrong? After all, he had as good as rejected her the other day.

And yet— She remembered how he'd fought off the man who'd attacked her and how he made sure she got home from safely from work; she remembered how he held her after her nightmare. The thought made her shiver.

She rolled over and buried her face in the pillow, groaning.

Her phone started ringing and she felt around on the bed, trying to find it. When she located it, she answered it without looking at the screen.

"Hello?"

"Cha Eun Sang."

The sound of his voice made her bolt upright in bed.

"Choi Young Do?"

He laughed throatily. "Who else would it be?"

His voice sounded strange. _Why did he sound that way?_ She stood up, pacing nervously around her room as she talked.

"What do you need?" she asked hesitantly.

He laughed again. "It's interesting that you phrase the question that way."

It was then she realized— "Have you been drinking?" she demanded.

"Yes."

"Where are you right now?"

"Why, are you going to come here and drink with me?"

"Where are you?"

"Come and find me."

The line went dead.

Frantically, she dialed him back. The phone rang the first time, then went to voice mail. When she called again, the phone had been turned off.

She realized she didn't know where he lived. She didn't know anything about his family. _Nothing._ She knew nothing.

Panicked, she tried to think of something as she dialed the phone again. It rang and she heard a click.

"Choi Young Do. Choi Young Do! Hello?"

She could hear faint sounds coming through the other end. They were hard to distinguish. There was a rustling and then silence.

"Hello?"

"Cha Eun Sang."

She sagged to the ground in relief. "Where are you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. Tell me where you are."

"Will you come?" He sounded hesitant, almost as if he feared her answer.

"Yes."

He rattled off an address and she scrambled to locate pen and paper.

"Stay on the phone with me," she ordered. She darted around her room, trying to find a jacket and shoes in the chaos of her room.

"And what will we talk about while I'm waiting for you?"

She was so distracted by trying to gather her things that she barely registered the question. "We can talk about whatever you want to talk about. Just don't hang up again."

"Whatever I want?" His voice was husky as he asked the question.

The sound of it made her stop in her tracks. "Yes."

"Good. Hmmm." He made a low humming noise that reverberated through the phone. "So when did you first fall in love with me?"

She tripped over the threshold to the front door. _Did he really just ask me that?_

"Uh— I don't think—"

His voice interrupted her. "I thought you said we could talk about whatever I wanted to talk about."

"We can, it's just—"

"So talk."

She was silent for a moment as she darted down the street, running towards the bus stop, praying that she hadn't missed the last bus of the night.

"Hold on," she panted. "I've got to catch—"

"I sent the car. It should be there."

She slowed her run to a jog, stopping completely when she saw the familiar black car at the end of the block.

"Get in," he ordered. The tone of his voice left no room for refusal. "Then answer my question."


	10. Chapter 10

"Answer my question, Eun Sang."

It was the first time he had ever referred to her informally. She felt something inside her shift as she sat in the car, hearing him breathing softly on the other end of the phone.

"The first time you came into the coffee shop." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"What?" She could tell that her answer surprised him.

"The first time."

"That quickly? Why?"

She sighed. "Please. This is— This is embarrassing. Please don't—"

"Why?" he asked again.

"You—" She could feel herself blushing. "You smiled at me." She spoke the words softly, hoping he didn't hear.

"I smiled at you?" His tone was mocking. "Do you fall in love with every boy who smiles at you?"

She felt a burst of anger. It was easy for him to dismiss her feelings. He probably had girls throwing themselves at him all the time. She felt a sharp stab of pain as she remembered the girl he had brought to the coffee shop.

His voice broke into her thoughts. "Answer the question, Eun Sang."

"No."

"You're angry? Good. I like it when you're angry."

She didn't respond.

"Eun Sang." The way he said her voice was like a caress—it made her feel warm and aching in a way she didn't fully understand. "What do you love about me?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Answer the question."

"No."

"I'll hang up if you don't."

"You—"

He laughed. "Yes. That's right. Me."

She needed to keep him talking. That much she knew. Despite the way he was tormenting her now, she couldn't fight the instinct to protect him—to want to save him from whatever battle he was fighting. She knew he was still trying to fight alone—for some reason he couldn't see that he wasn't really alone anymore. He had her mother; he had her. If only he would let her in—let her see what he was battling. She knew she could help him face it. Her mother was right. _How do I make him see?_

The words came out in a rush. "I love the way you bring my mother strawberries because she told you once that she loves them. I love that you rub your eyebrows when you're working on your math homework. I love when you line up our shoes in order of size at the front door. I love that you hate my mother's dubu jjigae, but you always eat it anyway and ask for seconds too."

For several long minutes, there was silence. It grew and expanded until it became suffocating.

Finally, he spoke. "Go home, Cha Eun Sang." His voice was flat.

"What?"

"Tell the driver to turn around and take you home." The phone went dead.

She blinked in shock.

_He's rejected you twice now._

She sat back in the seat. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

_You're a fool to keep doing this to yourself. Stop now._

Her mother's words echoed in her head: _"If you aren't willing to fight for him, then stop now."_

Could she do this?

She felt the car slow and then stop. Looking outside, she was surprised to see a hotel—a very nice hotel. _Is this where he lives?_

Hesitating, she sat with her hand on the door handle, looking out at the entrance to the hotel.

_Get out, Eun Sang. Right now. Open the door and get out._

She opened the door and walked to the entrance. She stopped short just inside. It was beautiful—all shiny marble and understated elegance.

It was then that Eun Sang understood how rich he really was. The thought had occurred to her, but standing here faced with the reality, she was having second thoughts about her ability to do much of anything. Realizing that she was starting to draw attention, she quickly located the front desk and walked over.

"Hello, I'm here to see Choi Young Do. Can you please tell me where he is?"

The desk clerk glanced at her disdainfully. "Is he expecting you?"

"Um— Yes?"

"I'll have to call."

"Okay. Thank you." She bowed her head slightly, trying to make herself look as unassuming as possible.

The clerk picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers. "Sir? There's someone here to see you. Should I—? Yes. I see. I will tell her—"

Eun Sang spoke loudly, hoping she was projecting enough to be heard through the phone. "You can tell him I'm going to wait in this lobby all night."

The clerk looked shocked, but quickly turned her attention back to the phone. "Sir? Yes, sir." She hung up the phone and gave Eun Sang a withering look. "Room 1015. Take the elevator up to the tenth floor."

Eun Sang smiled hesitantly at the clerk and bowed low, quickly turning and moving to the elevator before she had a chance to change her mind.

On the ride up, she considered what she would say to him. All too quickly, she found herself off the elevator and standing in front of his door. She knocked softly. The door swung open and she peered into the darkness, trying to make him out in the dim light.

"Come in." His voice travelled out to where she stood. She stepped in hesitantly, stopping to allow her eyes to adjust. She could just make out his form sitting on a couch.

She started towards him. "Choi Young Do—"

"Stop," he ordered.

She froze.

"I have one more question." He lifted a glass to his lips and took a drink, swirling it gently and then placing it on the coffee table in front of him. "Can you love me even if I don't love you?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"The kind that needs to be answered."

"I don't understand the question."

She saw him lean forward, as if he was staring at her intently, though she couldn't make anything out in the dim light. "Can you continue to love me if I am not able to return that love? You should know, before we go any further with this conversation, that I am not capable of love. And, please—spare me the platitudes. The love of a good woman is not going to change me. This is the way I am. I am capable of affection, of lust—even kindness. But I'm not going to love you, Eun Sang."

And there it was.

It was a question to be answered, as much for him as for herself.

Could she live her life knowing that the man she loved with her whole heart would never be willing to offer her even a small piece of his own? Would mutual affection be enough for her?

For now, it was all she had.

"I understand what you're saying, but I won't give up."

"You're going to fight a battle you can't win. Either accept what I'm telling you or don't—it doesn't matter to me. But don't come to me later on and complain that I wasn't honest with you. I'm broken. I won't love you the way you want to be loved."

"Then why am I here right now?"

"I'm not sure. If I remember correctly, I told you to go home."

"Why did you call me in the first place?" Slowly, she started to approach where he sat.

"Because I think you're the only one who can keep me from doing something bad."

The admission surprised her.

"And what is that?" she asked.

"It hardly matters now. I'm not going to do it."

She decided not to push him any further. When she got close enough to finally see him in the dim light, she was glad she hadn't.

His arms were bruised and battered, with raised welts crisscrossing the entire length of his lower arms. They even extended up on to his bicep and underneath the sleeves of his t-shirt. She had a suspicion that if he took off his shirt, his whole torso would be covered in similar injuries. Gasping, she moved to touch him.

He hissed, pulling back. "Don't."

"How bad is it? It looks bad. You should go to the hospital."

"No hospitals." His voice sounded almost panicked, but he quickly controlled himself. "It's mostly superficial. He likes making it look worse than it actually is."

She wanted to ask. She was afraid to ask. _Would he tell me?_

"Who—"

"My father, Eun Sang. It's his way of punishing me for looking like her."

"Like who?"

"My mother."

A sob ripped from her throat.

He smiled at the sound of it. "I'm glad someone can still cry about it. I lost that ability a long time ago."

"Why? Why does he do it?" she asked.

"That's a long story. Too long for tonight." He hesitated a moment. "I made a mistake asking you to come here. You should go."

"You expect me to leave you here like this? Either you're coming with me or I'm staying here. You can't be alone with those injuries."

"Go home, Cha Eun Sang. There's nothing you can do. You're not ready for any of this. I realize that now."

"You think you have this all figured out, don't you?" She felt her anger rise again. "Regardless of whether or not you love me, you can't treat me like this. You can't keep people around when they make you happy, and then push them away when they do something to upset you. At the very least, we are friends. Friends aren't friends just when it's convenient for one of them. Don't push me away because you're uncomfortable with my feelings for you. They are what they are, but they have nothing to do with our relationship. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and start respecting our friendship. You owe me at least that much."

He stood up and walked away from the couch, moving to flip the wall switch. She blinked with the sudden change in the light. He watched her for a moment, then moved to where she sat, grabbing her hand and pulling her up to stand in front of him.

"You don't understand what you're asking. You don't understand anything," he said.

"Then explain it to me."

"Now is not the time."

She stared at him. "You're afraid, aren't you? You're afraid to tell me. Why?"

"Yes. I am afraid. I'm afraid that if I tell you the truth, I won't see the things in your eyes that I see now. The look in your eyes is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes."

She held up her hand, closing her eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. "Stop. Stop saying things like that."

"We could be good for each other, Cha Eun Sang. But I can't love you—not the way you want. I'm giving you a chance to walk away. Take it."

But she couldn't. She couldn't move. She wanted whatever she could have from him. If it was nothing more than a kind word and smile, it would have to be enough. _It was enough._

"No," she said.

And then he kissed her.


	11. Chapter 11

Her flower blossomed and bloomed as he kissed her. She felt his pain ebb away—his body relaxed and warmed as he moved his lips over hers. She opened her mouth and her heart, trying desperately to give him everything he wanted in an effort to make him forget. He groaned against her and pulled away.

"Don't do that, Eun Sang."

She didn't know what she had done, but he was obviously affected by it.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. I liked it. Very much—but I only have so much self control. I'm not a saint."

She blushed when she realized what he meant. She turned away, flustered. "I— Um—"

"You should go home now, Eun Sang. Before I do something I shouldn't."

She turned back to him. "I can't leave you like this. You're hurt."

"I've had worse." Gently, he touched her cheek. "I'll be fine. Let me call the car to take you back home."

"But—"

He moved so quickly that she didn't have time to process what was happening. Pushing his lips against her, he kissed her with a ferocity that took her breath away. Once more, she opened herself to him, trying to give him what he wanted—what he needed. She felt his hands move down her back and trail up under her shirt, finding the bare skin of her lower back. She made a noise against his mouth and he broke away, pushing himself away from her. He struggled to control himself, his hands in tight fists as he focused on his breathing.

Finally, he spoke. "That's why you have to leave."

* * *

All too soon, she found herself back in her bedroom, only a few hours before sunrise. She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to come. Instead, all she could think about was him.

There was a small part of her that knew—whatever had started between them tonight would not end well for her. But, she had known that from the minute he had walked into her life. Her flower had always been out of her reach. That's why he was her flower. He was beautiful to look at—but his presence was fleeting. She knew that soon enough, he would tire of the momentary interest that he had in her.

_Do I let this happen, knowing that I'm the one that will be hurt in the end?_

She still believed her love—her caring and understanding—could help him. It could help heal some of the wounds he carried. In the end, if that was all she could give him, was it worth the pain she would feel?

She didn't know, but she needed to decide—quickly.

Rolling over on to her side, she watched the sun rise.

* * *

She was anxious as she walked out to where the car was waiting to take her to school. Everything was different and nothing was different. She was still in love with him—he still wasn't in love with her. And yet, he had touched her— The things he'd said to her— It couldn't be the same.

Opening the door, she slid in to sit next to him, not able to bring herself to look at him.

"Let's go," he ordered the driver.

The car ride was silent. She glanced over from the corner of her eye and she saw him sitting calmly, looking out the window.

How could he be so unaffected? Every atom of her body felt like it was on fire because he was near. She felt herself start to tremble. _What if he changed his mind?_

He took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She looked over at him and found him still looking out the window.

He held it throughout the car ride, only releasing it when he got out of the car at the school. He moved around to the other side and opened the door for her, taking her hand again as they walked toward the school.

Their linked hands drew stares.

* * *

They spoke very little to each other throughout the day—instinctually, they knew what the other needed. When she came out of the one class they didn't share, she found him waiting. She walked up to him and took his hand. He looked surprised for a moment, but she saw a small smile flit across his features before his public mask fell back into place.

At the end of the day, they walked into their last class together and she felt him tense. She tugged at him slightly to get his attention, then raised an eyebrow at him. He shook his head, his face hard with tension. It wasn't until they arrived in the classroom that she realized why.

Kim Tan watched them walk in together, a slight frown on his face. She looked over at Choi Young Do and saw him meet the other boy's eyes. Young Do's lips curved into a slight sneer—almost as if he were challenging Kim Tan. She quickly moved herself in between them, forcing Young Do to break the stare.

"I have to work with him. You understand that, don't you?" she asked softly, not wanting others to overhear.

Young Do stared at her for a long moment, then nodded curtly and sat.

By the end of the class period, she could feel the anger and tension radiating off of him in waves. Several times, she looked over and found him glaring at the back of Kim Tan's head. As the rest of the class started filing out, she rose and started to walk to the front of the classroom to speak with the teacher. She felt his hand reach out from behind her and grab her arm. He spun her around and kissed her—hard. For a moment, she forgot where she was and she started to respond, but she realized that something wasn't right. This kiss wasn't like the kisses last night. This kiss was about something else.

Choi Young Do broke away and threw a triumphant glance over her head. She felt her face flush with embarrassment. He turned and strode confidently out of the classroom, leaving her to face the shame by herself. She turned and saw the teacher looking uncomfortable; Kim Tan was off to the side, an appalled expression on his face.

The teacher spoke as she approached. "In the future, please refrain from displays of affection in my classroom." The teacher cleared her throat, obviously eager to change the subject. "Have you two decided on a novel?"

Thankfully, Kim Tan spoke. "Yes. We're going to do _The Great Gatsby_."

"Fine. You'll do a fifteen minute presentation on the symbolic gaze in the novel. It's due next Friday." She cleared her throat again. "I trust there won't be any issues with your working together on this?"

"No," Kim Tan said emphatically. Eun Sang shook her head, still unable to speak.

"Good. You're dismissed."

They both turned and started walking to the door. Just short, he stopped and turned to her. "Can we start this now or—?"

She forced herself to meet his gaze. "Yes. I'll meet you in the library in a few minutes."

"Okay. I'll see you there soon." His face relaxed slightly and he gave her a cheeky grin as he walked away.

She took a moment to compose herself before walking in the hallway. Choi Young Do stood just outside, leaning against the wall with a smug look in his eyes—seemingly pleased with himself.

Stopping just short of the doorway, she looked around the hallway to make sure it was clear. Then she walked up to him, getting very close. For a moment, he looked surprised, but then the smug look returned.

She looked up at him and spoke in a deadly soft voice. "You may not love me, but you should at least respect me."

Eun Sang didn't wait to see his reaction as she walked away toward the library.


	12. Chapter 12

She slammed her books down harder than was necessary as she took a seat across from Kim Tan at the library table. Around her, other students looked up from their work. Face flaming, she sat down quietly and pulled out her notebook.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked.

She ignored the question. "Where do you want to start? We should probably go through and mark all the places in the novel where the billboard shows up and go from there."

"You've read _The Great Gatsby_?"

The astonishment in his voice annoyed her, but she didn't let it show. "Yes."

"It's one of my favorites."

She looked up from her notebook in surprise. "Mine too."

"Why?" He looked genuinely interested.

Sighing, she put her pen down and looked at him. "I guess on some level, I relate to Gatsby."

"Really? Not Daisy?"

"What would I have in common with Daisy?" She gave him a pointed look.

"Doesn't every girl want to be Daisy?"

"You're joking, right?

He shrugged. "No."

"She's an airhead, her husband's abusive, she allowed herself to be talked out of marrying the man she loved, and she cares more about money and her own comfort than people. Oh, and she's a murderer."

Kim Tan blinked a few times, then nodded slowly. "I guess when you put it that way— So why Gatsby?"

Eun Sang shifted uncomfortably in the hard wooden seat. _Why did I say that?_ "I guess because he worked so hard to bring himself out of poverty. I understand that. And—"

"And what?"

_I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back—to want to do anything for that person, no matter the cost._ "And nothing," she said, quickly turning her attention back to her notebook. "Let's work."

* * *

Kim Tan walked alongside her as they left the library an hour later. "Do you want to meet again tomorrow after school?"

She thought for a moment. "I can't. I have to work."

"You work?"

"Yes. I'm a scholarship student. I thought you knew that."

"I guess I did. How did you meet Choi Young Do?"

She stopped and turned to face him. "How did you meet him?"

He gave her a wry smile. "Okay. Fair enough."

They walked in companionable silence to the entrance of the school. Emerging into the late afternoon light, Eun Sang blinked against the sudden brightness, making out the figure of a person leaning against a car. She felt herself tense slightly when she realized it was Choi Young Do. She wasn't eager to have a confrontation in front of Kim Tan.

She put a hand on his arm to stop him. "I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Kim Tan nodded and glanced briefly in the direction of the other boy before turning and walking in the opposite direction. She hesitated briefly, then approached him.

"Are you ready?" he asked tersely.

She nodded and he opened the car door for her. She slid in and winced as he slammed it shut. Moving around to the other side, he got in and the car pulled away. A tense silence permeated the car for several long minutes.

Then he spoke. "Be careful around Kim Tan."

"Why? You keep saying that, but you won't explain. Why do I have to be careful around him?"

Young Do kept his eyes fixed out the window as he responded. "He and his family are careless with women."

She tipped her head in confusion. "What does that mean?"

He turned to her and she almost gasped at the raw emotion she saw in his eyes. "They don't take care of the women in their lives—they use them. They chew them up and spit them out and then replace them with another."

She scooted across the seat and put her hand up to his cheek, wanting to offer some sort of comfort. He closed his eyes briefly and leaned into the contact. Then he embraced her and pulled her on to his lap, resting his head on her. Shocked, she hesitated a moment before moving to put her arms around him, stroking his hair softly.

He moved away from her when the car pulled up to her house.

The loss of his touch manifested in a dull ache around her heart.

* * *

"Ahjumma, can I stay here tonight?"

Eun Sang's mother looked up from her meal in surprise. She moved to write on her notepad, then held it up for him. _"Yes. Of course. Is everything okay?"_

He smiled and nodded at her. "Yes. My father's out of town, so there's no reason to go home just to come back in the morning to pick up Eun Sang for school."

Eun Sang kept her eyes on her food. She knew her mother had noticed that he'd referred to her informally. She risked a glance at her, and found her smiling widely, a knowing look in her eyes.

Her mother wrote again. _"You're always welcome here." _

"Thank you, ahjumma."

* * *

She lay in her dark room staring up at the ceiling, willing sleep to come. Instead, all she could think about was the thin wall separating them.

A few minutes or a few hours later, she wasn't sure which, she heard the door to her room open softly. His bare feet padded across the floor and she felt the bed sink as he sat down on the edge. He didn't move, but she knew that he was watching her. She tried to control her breathing, hoping that he wouldn't notice the rapid rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes fluttered open when she felt his hand touch her face. She sat up slowly and looked at him.

The look in his eyes was a question.

She answered it by pulling him towards her and kissing him.

They lay back on the bed, still kissing, their legs tangling together. He pulled away, looming over her as his eyes asked a different question.

"_Please?"_

"_Yes."_

His hands on her body spoke the words that he couldn't say out loud. His mouth on her skin whispered secrets. They told her he was sorry. They told her that she could be the one to save him.

She believed his hands and his mouth. She opened herself to them.

She died and was reborn.

And when she opened her eyes, everything was different.

Her flower had bloomed again.

When she moved to touch him—to reply with her own secrets—he shook his head. He took her hands and kissed them and tucked her body against his.

They slept.

In the morning, when she woke, she was alone in the bed.


	13. Chapter 13

Eun Sang was nervous as she stepped out of her room and moved down the hall to the kitchen.

_Will it feel different between us? Will my mother notice? What if she notices—_

Her thoughts raced as she stepped into the kitchen and found her mother standing at the counter, preparing breakfast. Young Do was nowhere to be seen.

"Where— Where did he go?"

"_He said he had to go pick up some things from home. He is going to send a car to take you to school."_

She sat down and ate mechanically, barely tasting the food. Something was wrong. She could feel it in every fiber of her being. After a moment, she rose, trying to appear as normal as possible. Picking up her school bag, she kissed her mother goodbye, and walked to the door.

She hoped that he would be waiting in the car.

He wasn't.

She hoped that he would be waiting for her outside the school.

He wasn't.

She hoped that he would be sitting in his normal seat in class.

He wasn't.

She hoped that she would see him waiting outside after school, leaning on the car with a look of cool indifference on his face.

He wasn't.

She turned away from the car and started walking. She heard the driver run up behind her. "I'm supposed to take you to work," he said uncertainly.

She ignored him and kept walking.

* * *

She had no memory of the walk to work.

She found herself suddenly in front of the cash register, taking orders and making drinks like a robot. It continued that way for much of the afternoon and into the evening. The steady stream of customers meant that she could allow the work to take over and keep her brain from dwelling on thoughts of him.

It all changed in a moment. A sudden awareness made her look toward the entrance to the coffee shop.

The door swung open and he walked in with the same girl from months earlier. She hung on his arm, flirtatiously stroking his bicep and tossing her artfully arranged hair. Deliberately, Young Do met her eyes from across the room. His gaze pinned her to the spot. _"Watch me," _his eyes ordered. Eun Sang stood frozen as he moved to put his arm around the girl's shoulders, drawing her close and whispering in her ear. The girl laughed loudly and gave him a coy smile.

Eun Sang caught the attention of her co-worker. "Can you take over for a minute?"

Quickly, she went to the back of the store, walking directly into the employee bathroom. She vomited up the contents of her stomach, then slid on to the floor, trying to catch her breath. Tears streamed down her face as she gasped for air.

After a few minutes, she heard knocking on the door.

"I'm coming." She stood slowly, moving to the sink to wash her face and rinse her mouth. Looking in the mirror, she knew that there was no way that she would be able to pretend that nothing had happened.

When she walked back out, she found the store empty. Her co-worker was busy cleaning behind the front counter.

"I'm sick. I have to go." She didn't wait to hear a reply as she walked out.

* * *

The house was empty.

Eun Sang offered a silent prayer of thanks. She would not have been able to face her mother.

Leaving the lights off, she moved to her room, not bothering to undress. She collapsed in her bed and pulled the covers across her body. Her body shivered— _Am I in shock?_ It was so cold. Even with all the layers she shook so violently that her muscles stiffened.

At some point, she fell asleep.

* * *

_Warm. So warm. _

She felt hands stroke her hair, smoothing it away from her face. Reaching out, she felt arms move to embrace her. Her eyes flew open.

"Get out." She pushed Young Do away, moving to the opposite side of the bed, wrapping the blanket around herself like a shield.

"Please." He climbed over to her, laying down beside her and fitting his body to hers. She stiffened. "Please," he said again. He put his arms around her and kissed her neck. She shivered and tried to fight the urge to give in to the sensations.

"Please." This time he was begging. She could hear it in the tone of his voice.

She rolled over to look at him, their faces inches from each other. There was a cut over his eye that was just beginning to swell. She could smell alcohol on his breath too. His face was impassive, but his eyes told a different story. He couldn't hide the look of utter despair contained within them. A wave of pain washed over her.

_I'm not strong enough for this. I thought I was, but I'm not. I can't do this._

"Get out." They both knew that her resolve was weakening.

"Please."

Her eyes slid shut. It was too painful to watch her flower wither.

She knew that if she gave in now, it would solve nothing. The fleeting comfort she could offer him would not last until the morning. When they woke up, life would be as it always had been. She would still be in love with him—he would still be unable to love her. What they did in the dark of her room would only momentarily assuage the pain they were both feeling.

He kissed her eyelids. "I'm sorry." He kissed her forehead and her cheeks. "I'm sorry." He kissed the corners of her mouth and her chin. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He moved to her neck, kissing his way down to her collarbone, each time whispering a hushed apology.

Tears slipped from underneath her eyelids and he kissed them away.

She wanted to give in to him because she was greedy. She wanted whatever he would offer her, even if it was just lies in the dark. She would take what he gave and she would stop expecting anything more. There would come a day when she would want more than he was willing to give. When that day came, she knew that she would have to make a difficult choice.

But now was not that time.

She gave in to him.

His hands moved over her body, his touch telling her that she was the only one who mattered. It was a lie, but she didn't care. She moved to unbutton his shirt as his hands roamed over her body. He stilled, then gently pushed her hands away. He looked down at her and shook his head.

"Why—"

He dismissed her question with another shake of his head, then bent down to kiss her.

She forgot about everything but the feel of his lips on hers.

His hands tormented and soothed her.

And when he was finished, he held her close, placing gentle kisses on her hair as she came back to her senses. He looked down on her and smiled.

She met his gaze calmly and she saw him grow uneasy.

"Get out," she said.


	14. Chapter 14

For the first time since she'd met him, Eun Sang saw his carefully crafted facade crack ever so slightly. He couldn't tell if she was serious—his face reflected his uncertainty. He moved to kiss her again and she pushed him away.

In this moment, it was all too much for her. If he touched her again, she wouldn't be able to say no. She would lose herself in him—in his anger and desire and sadness. She went rigid, trying to desperately to reestablish some sort of boundary between them.

"What are you doing?" He was angry—hurt. He couldn't hide the emotion in his voice.

She looked away from him. "Get out."

He grabbed her face roughly and turned it back to face him. "Why?"

"I can't do this."

"Do what? Be intimate with me? Because just a minute ago, I distinctly remember you calling my name."

"Stop," she said sharply, closing her eyes against the tears that threatened. "Please don't do this to me."

"What am I doing?" he exploded in anger.

"Stop making me love you," she whispered, her eyes still closed tightly.

"I told you, Eun Sang. I can't love you. I can give you other things, but not that. I have no control over your emotions."

"And that's why you brought her there? To remind me of my place in your life? I'm nothing more than your toy and god forbid I forget it, even just for a moment."

He sighed. "That was beyond my control. There's— There's a lot more going on than you know about."

"Then tell me what is going on!" Her voice rose in frustration. She sat up, moving away from him. Taking a deep breath, she made a decision.

It was time to be honest. The thought terrified her.

"I love you," she said. "I loved you from the first moment I saw you. You were so beautiful it made my heart hurt just to look at you. And then you saved me. Then I found out how broken you are and I knew that I could save you too. When you told me the other night that you would never love, I didn't believe it. You may never love me, but I believe you can love again. I thought that I could be the one to help you. When you— When you were with me the other night, I thought that I was starting to break through. No one has ever— I've never—" The strength of her emotions was causing her to stutter. She struggled to control her trembling. "You came in with her and she is so— And I'm not— I'm just me. What am I supposed to think? The way you touched her—"

In a moment, he had crossed the distance between them and forced her underneath him, his hands pinning down her arms, his body heavy over hers. "How did I touch her?" he asked breathlessly.

She looked up into his eyes confused. "You put your arm around her."

"And then what?"

"You said something to her."

"Do you know what I said to her, Eun Sang?"

She shook her head, still trying to understand.

He leaned down until his mouth was inches from her ear. The feel of his breath made her move restlessly underneath him. "Stop that," he warned, placing more of his weight on her legs to halt her movement. He lowered his voice to a whisper as he spoke. "I told her that if she did anything to you, I would come after her. Because you are mine."

A sob ripped from her mouth. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

His breath tickled her ear again as he spoke. "Because you are the only thing in my life that is mine and mine alone."

God help her. She wanted to give in to those words.

_His._

_Just this once. Just one more time._

Tomorrow she could fight. Tomorrow she would make him see. Tomorrow it would be different.

Tomorrow.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Stay," she whispered.

He smiled.

* * *

He had disappeared from her room some time during the night. She felt the bed move slightly as he rose, and she stirred slightly. He touched her cheek gently.

"Sleep," he said.

She had drifted off again almost immediately.

She woke to sunlight streaming in through the blinds. Glancing at the clock, she realized that she had overslept. After showering and dressing quickly, she skidded into the kitchen, hoping to find something to eat. She was surprised to find Young Do seated at the table, her mother across from him urging him to eat more.

Eun Sang hadn't expected him to be there. The minute he looked up at her, she blushed. She still remembered the feel of his hands.

He smiled and she could see that he knew exactly what effect he was having on her.

"_Are you feeling well? You slept late and you look a little flushed," _her mother signed.

"I'm fine. Are you ready?"

He nodded to her and rose. "Thank you, ahjumma."

Her mother gave him a fond smile and waved them off.

The car had just pulled away from the curb and out into traffic when Young Do leaned forward to raise the privacy screen between them and the driver. Then he unbuckled his seatbelt and slid toward her, lifting her hair away from her neck and nipping at her skin.

"Stop." She pushed him away.

He smiled knowingly at her, but kept his distance throughout the remainder of the car ride.

Once they reached the school, he pulled her out of the car behind him, and held her hand tightly. They drew less stares, but Eun Sang could still sense the curiosity swirling around them. When they reached the lockers, Young Do leaned up against one, watching her intently as she put her bag away and took out her textbooks for class. The scrutiny made her nervous.

She slammed the door shut, but he didn't flinch.

"What?" she asked, annoyed.

"Quit your job."

"What? Why?"

"I'll give you money, if that's what you're worried about."

She was furious. "Well, that is a concern, yes. But you wouldn't understand."

"No. I don't. I'll take care of the money."

"It's not just the money!" she shouted. Heads turned in the hallway.

He lowered his voice. "You're making a scene."

"Yes. I'm making a scene."

She could tell that he was surprised by the vehemence of her reaction. He grabbed her hand and lead her back outside to the entrance. He spun her around and gave her a hard look. "Why are you so upset about this? I thought you would be happy to quit. It would give you more time to study—more time with me."

She looked up into his eyes, willing him to understand. "If you give me money, don't you know what that makes me? It's bad enough I'm here on charity. How do you think they'd react if they found out you were supporting me?"

"It doesn't matter what they think."

"It matters to me. I have to survive here. What happens when you're tired of me? What will my mother and I do then? You want me to be realistic about this—about our relationship. You said you can't love me. Fine. Now I'm asking you for the same consideration. I need to think about my life after you. One day, you will leave me. If I depend on you too much now, I will pay for it in the future."

She could tell that her words had hit the mark. "Of course," he spoke softly. "I didn't see it that way." He moved closer to her, grabbing her elbows and squeezing them gently. "I'm not like that, though. Even if this— When this ends— I wouldn't abandon you like that. I take care of my responsibilities."

It was meant to be comforting, but the words were like a knife in her heart.

_I am a "responsibility." _

_You knew, Cha Eun Sang. You knew, and you still gave in to him. This is your fault._


	15. Chapter 15

After school, he rode with her to work. As soon as they pulled away from the curb, he raised the barrier and pulled her on to his lap. He kissed her and it was too much. Her brain went blank.

She was thankful when the car came to a stop. Untangling herself from him, she got out, only stopping when she heard him call her name.

"Eun Sang."

She hesitated a moment, then turned to look back at him.

"I'll be here to pick you up later." His eyes held dark promises. She shivered, then nodded at him in acknowledgment.

She was numb as she changed into her uniform. Things couldn't continue like this. She was losing herself in him—the frightening part of it all was the little portion of her brain that didn't care.

Nodding to her co-worker, Eun Sang took over the register. A few moments later, she looked up to find Kim Tan waiting there, a broad smile on his face.

"Hello," he said.

"Hello," she replied tentatively.

"I hope you're not upset that I'm here. I know you have a busy work schedule, so I thought that I would start on our project here, and maybe you can help me with it on your breaks?"

She blinked in surprise. "That's a great idea. Thanks. I'm sorry that it's been hard to find time to work on it."

"It's not entirely your fault." She could see that he was having to force his smile as he spoke the words. Her face flushed in embarrassment. Her relationship with Young Do was apparently common knowledge now—it was obvious that the intensity of it had not gone unnoticed. His smiled brightened again. "Anyway, I'll have a mango juice and then I'll set up over in the corner. Come over when you have a minute."

She smiled back and rang up his order. When she took it over to his table a few minutes later, she found him reading, pen in hand. He looked up and smiled at her again. _He's really friendly. It's nice not feeling like I have to be on my guard with him._

"What do you have so far?" she asked.

"Well, I've marked all the places where the billboard is mentioned, but it really doesn't seem like enough to talk about."

"What about talking about Nick's gaze? I mean, he's the one observing everything in the story."

"That's good. That opens up more options for us. I'll start marking more places in the text."

Their comfortable dialogue continued throughout her shift and helped the time pass quickly. Before she knew it, her shift was nearly over. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kim Tan stand and stretch. She walked over to him, broom in hand to start her closing duties. His eyes crinkled at her, but his face turned suddenly serious.

"Can I— Can I say something?" he asked.

Eun Sang felt her stomach drop. "Sure."

"I know it's really none of my business, but— You should be careful with Choi Young Do. I've— I've known him a long time. He's not a bad person, but he's— He's had a lot of hardships, despite his family's wealth. I mean, we've all had our issues, but— His have been bad. I know that he's told you that he doesn't like me. It's understandable and I don't blame him, but— Just be careful. You deserve—"

"What does she deserve?" Young Do's voice came from behind her, the words clipped and cold. "Can you give it to her, Kim Tan? I'm sure you can make her a generous offer. Your family is known for it's generosity towards women, after all."

She didn't dare turn around to look at his face. Instead, she watched Kim Tan's face harden into anger.

"Let's not do this here, Choi Young Do."

"Let's not do this at all," he responded. "Stay away from her."

Eun Sang's anger finally bubbled to the surface. She rounded on him, moving to within inches of where he stood. "You don't get a vote in this" she said, her voice deadly soft. "We have a project. Nothing else. If you can't trust me around him, then—"

He cut her off, mid threat. "It's not you I don't trust—it's him."

From behind them, she heard Kim Tan clear his throat. "I'm leaving. I'll see you tomorrow, Cha Eun Sang."

She turned back to face him, bowing slightly. "I'll work on it tonight. Let's meet after school tomorrow."

Kim Tan nodded, his eyes still fixed on Young Do. Picking up his bag, he left. She heard Young Do growl in frustration behind her as she watched him go.

"Are you done here?" He was only just managing to keep his temper in check. The strain in his voice was apparent. He didn't wait for her answer, but instead grabbed her hand roughly and dragged her out the front door. She struggled to free herself from his grip, but he held on too tightly.

When he reached the car, he opened the door, picked her up, and held on to her as he slid in to the back seat. As soon as the door closed, he rapped twice on the privacy screen and the car took off.

"Hey! Wait! All my things are still there! I need my bag— All my homework—"

"I'll send someone back for it." He began kissing her neck softly and she felt shivers trail down her spine.

She felt her anger ebbing away and she felt like screaming. How could she fight for herself when one small touch was enough to weaken her resolve?

He started working his way down her neck to her shoulder, his hands moving up under her shirt and stroking the bare skin of her stomach.

_Fine. I can play this game too._

She grabbed a handful of his hair and forced his mouth to hers. The distraction was enough to allow her to place her hands on his shoulders, then slide them forward to his chest. He stilled when he felt her hands at the buttons of his shirt. Breaking the kiss, he batted her hands away and gave her a warning look before moving back to her neck.

_I'm not going to give up that easily._

Emboldened by his reaction, she placed her hand just above his knee. She left it there a moment to see if he would notice. He didn't pause in his attentions to her. Slowly, she dragged her hand up his thigh.

He pushed her off his lap. "Stop."

"Why? Isn't that what you wanted? That's what we're all about. Just this." The words came tumbling out before she could stop herself.

He refused to look at her, instead fixing his gaze out the window. "Stop, Eun Sang."

"Why can't I touch you?"

"Drop it."

"You can touch me but I can't touch you. That hardly seems fair."

He didn't answer.

Anger made her daring. She slid close to him, her mouth close to his ear—she knew he could feel her breath. He flinched slightly, but didn't stop her. She placed a soft kiss on his neck. "Let me in," she whispered sadly.

He leaned forward and pressed the button to retract the privacy screen. "Please take us to the hotel," he told the driver, and then raised the screen.

"You want in, Eun Sang?" he spoke, still looking out the window. "Are you prepared to pay the price?"


	16. Chapter 16

He gripped her wrist tightly as he strode through the lobby of the hotel to the elevator. He held on to her as they rode the elevator up. Her heart raced as she trailed him through the hallway—she was losing sensation in her wrist.

"Choi Young Do."

She tried to get his attention, but he either ignored her or didn't hear as he unlocked the door. He moved her in front, practically shoving her into the room. The motion sensors triggered the lights and she blinked in the sudden brightness. He stood in front of the door as if to block her escape. Finally, he looked up at her. His eyes were blank—so emotionless that she was frightened of what he was about to do.

He moved his hands up to the buttons of his shirt and began undoing them, walking slowly toward her at the same time. She took a few steps backwards, her legs hitting the coffee table behind her. When he finished with the buttons, he slowly pulled the shirt out from where it was tucked into the waist of his pants. He pulled it completely off and threw it to the side.

Scars criss-crossed every inch of the skin of his torso. Many were obviously old, but there were some recent ones, the new skin still pink and shiny. They weren't large, but it was the number that took Eun Sang's breath away. There had to be hundreds.

She fell to her knees, covering her mouth.

"Do you see now? I don't let you in because I'm trying to protect you. From me. From him. From this whole fucked up situation." He shoved his hands into his hair and turned away in frustration.

His back was worse than his chest. The scars were larger—thick with ridges of tissue that ran the full length.

She couldn't speak. Words of comfort died in her throat. Everything that she could think to say seemed meaningless.

"This is why I can't bear to be touched, Eun Sang. If touch is associated with pain from a young age, it becomes difficult to break that correlation."

"Why— Why don't you run away?" she stammered.

"With all his money, his connections, you think he wouldn't find me? And it's not as if I haven't tried. People just end up getting hurt— Or worse."

She jumped up, crossing the distance between them—wanting to be near him even if she couldn't touch him. Her hands reached out and she drew them back quickly, fighting her urge. "Why does he do this to you? You're his son."

"That's why. Who else? He can get away with it. He has gotten away with it. Money can cover all manner of transgressions."

"But why you? You said it's because you look like her? Your mother?"

"Yes."

"Why does he hate her?"

His eyes grew dark. "She left him because he hurt her too. She found someone else she thought would love her. She was wrong. He never got over the shame he felt when she replaced him. And when she came crawling back, he threw her out with nothing. She got sick. She died. The end."

"How do you live like this?"

He gave her a wry smile. "I thought it was pretty obvious. I don't. Do you think what I do every day is living? I survive. I exist. I don't live."

She wanted to cry and scream and break something, but all she could do was stand there and watch him bear the weight of his pain.

"Don't tell me I can't touch you anymore, Eun Sang. Please. It's all I have." He didn't meet her eyes, but she could tell the effort it cost him to speak the words. "I know I can't give you what you deserve and for that, I'm sorry. But anything else I have, it's yours. Please."

Her mother was right.

He was broken, but she could fix him.

He said he couldn't be touched, but there had been small moments where her touch had broken through his defenses. She guessed that he didn't even realize it himself. It meant that there was a chance he could get beyond the trauma. She was the only one who had been able to offer him any hope.

_Before you can truly love someone, you have to understand their pain. Otherwise how will you know how to love them the way they deserve?_

She could start to heal his pain. She would teach him how to love again.

There would come a day when she was too tired to fight that battle. When that day came, she would have to leave him or risk losing herself forever. Eun Sang hoped that when that time came, the love she had shown him would be enough. Then he could continue to fight on his own.

It would end between them. She had no illusions about their future.

She walked toward him slowly, not wanting to startle him. She reached for his hand and he flinched slightly, but allowed her to take it. She lifted his hand to her face and pressed it against her cheek.

"The one thing I want from you, you say you can't give me. What should I do, Young Do? Tell me."

"You should run away from me, but I'll just follow you."

"Do you understand what you're asking—how unfair this is to me?"

"Yes. I gave you the chance to walk away and you didn't. I'm selfish and I'm mean, but I've never pretended to be otherwise, Eun Sang. I've never lied to you."

She nodded. "You've never lied, but I wish you would have. This might be easier if you had." Straightening her shoulders, she lifted her head. "When the time comes, you have to let me go. You can't fight me on that. When I say it's over, it's over. You're asking a great deal from me—this is what I'm asking in return."

His eyes darkened. "I'll make sure that day never comes."

A giggle escaped her lips and he looked surprised. "Choi Young Do, I never thought I would hear something so romantic coming from you!" Her tone became serious again. "You know that's not possible. Don't start lying now. It's too late for that."

He looked at her intently for a long moment. She held his gaze, wanting him to understand the full weight of his decision. Finally, he slowly nodded.

She held his gaze as she spoke. "Touch me."

He gathered her up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom.

In the dark, his hands moved over her.

She didn't touch him.

She knew it was too soon.


	17. Chapter 17

Months passed in a haze of stolen moments in the dark.

Eun Sang knew it wasn't sustainable. She could feel her natural defenses—her good sense and judgment—being stripped away, inch by inch, leaving her more and more vulnerable as the days passed.

It scared her. It scared her that she didn't care. She lived for the nights when he came to her.

He was changing too. Little by little, she could see it.

His father hit him less. She wasn't sure if it was just because Young Do spent almost every waking moment with her, or if Young Do was just calmer and less likely to provoke him. Either way, he was healing—both physically and mentally.

Sometimes, Eun Sang could touch him. It often wasn't more than just holding his hand, or light touch on his arm, but his fight or flight instinct had quieted.

He still didn't love her.

He wasn't deliberately cruel, but his every action broadcast ownership of her. He was never more than an arm's length away during the school day, except for their separate classes. He'd even taken to occasionally sitting in the coffee shop during her shift, glowering at any boy who looked a little too long or smiled a little too widely.

God help her. She allowed it.

She shouldn't have. She knew it. She knew that she was complicit in her own downfall.

Still, she couldn't bring herself to care.

An uneasy truce had developed between Young Do and Kim Tan. She had grown friendly with him while working on the project and he was the only person who Young Do had not managed to frighten off. Eun Sang knew that Young Do still questioned Kim Tan's motives in befriending her, but for some reason he didn't try to discourage the relationship. She still didn't understand it, but she suspected it had something to do with the history between them.

Her friendship with Kim Tan was the most normal thing in her life. She relaxed around him. They would talk about books or movies or something equally as trivial—he would tease her about her shoes and she would make fun of his sweaters. Sometimes he would come to the coffee shop and do his homework in the corner and they would talk during her breaks.

They deliberately avoided conversations about her relationship with Young Do.

Then one day, in the middle of a particularly hilarious conversation with Kim Tan, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, she spun around and was surprised to see Young Do standing quietly, a pained expression on his face.

"What's wrong—"

Before she could finish the words, he kissed her.

This kiss was different. This was the kiss of a drowning man fighting for air.

Normally when Young Do kissed her, she held a piece of herself back, trying to stop herself from being hurt. This time was different. She forgot they were standing in the coffee shop; she forgot about Kim Tan sitting behind them; she forgot to breathe.

* * *

Young Do knew there was something wrong with Eun Sang.

She was disappearing before his eyes and he knew it was his fault—but he couldn't give her what she wanted. He couldn't love her the way she wanted to be loved. He wasn't capable of those emotions any longer. They'd been beaten out of him. All that was left were his base instincts and a will to survive.

She wasn't eating enough—that he knew. He'd felt her body change beneath his hands. She was tired all the time and he'd even seen her falling asleep during class.

He had done this to her. He was destroying the one good thing in his life, but he couldn't stop himself. The thought of being away from her—of not being able to touch her and watch her as she came undone—it was enough to drive him mad.

And so he kept coming to her at night—sneaking into her room with complete disregard for the kindness shown to him by her mother. He hated himself for it, but he couldn't stop and she wouldn't stop him. He saw it in her eyes. He exploited her weakness for him. He hated himself for that too.

But what could he do? For the first time in his life, he saw that there was something beyond the constant threat of pain.

His thoughts swirled as he approached the coffee shop.

What he saw through the window stopped him in his tracks.

Eun Sang was smiling. It was a genuine smile, followed by a peal of laughter that lit up her face. She was so relaxed and happy, he almost didn't recognize her.

His eyes narrowed when he saw who had inspired the reaction.

When he looked back to her, he experienced a wave of pain so intense, it nearly brought him to his knees.

_This is my fault._

It was in that moment that he knew that he didn't want to do this to her any longer. He didn't want her to be alone in her feelings—he wanted to share them with her.

_I love her._

In that moment, he realized how much she had sacrificed for him. She remained in a relationship where she wasn't respected or treated as she should have been. He thrown it in her face—and yet she stayed.

She didn't deserve this. She deserved better.

He didn't know how to make things right, but he was going to try—even if it scared him and even if he ended up getting hurt. Any person who was willing to sacrifice their own happiness in order to save a bastard like him deserved more than he could give.

_I love her and I'm going to show her._

He walked into the coffee shop and placed a hand on her shoulder.

* * *

The sound of a cleared throat startled Eun Sang and she pulled away from the kiss. Young Do looked at her intently, as if he wanted to say something.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave." She heard Kim Tan's voice as if from a distance. Her eyes were locked on Young Do's face, trying to read his expression. Something had just happened between them—she didn't understand.

Eun Sang hardly noticed when Kim Tan left.

Young Do reached for her hand and held it. "When are you off?" he asked quietly.

In a haze, she looked up at the clock. He shift had just ended.

"Now," she replied.

"Good. Will you come with me?"

"Why are you— Where?"

"To the hotel."

"But my mother— She's expecting—"

"I know. I'll take care of it. Will you come?"

She was suddenly terrified. He was acting so strangely and she couldn't read the look on his face. By now, she had become accustomed to his moods, but this she didn't understand.

But she always gave in to him. It was the only thing she had that he wanted—she would have given him more, if he'd asked. Her eyes closed for a moment, fighting against the pain.

"Please," he whispered.

"Yes."


	18. Chapter 18

He held her hand as they walked to the car, only letting go to open the door for her. She could feel the strange energy radiating from him—he seemed almost anxious as he moved to the other side of the car and got in.

"What is this all about?" she asked.

"Please. Let's just wait until we get there. I don't want to do this in the car."

With those words, Eun Sang felt her blood turn to ice.

They were silent throughout the car ride. Her mind turned over the possibilities, but only one seemed to make the most sense: he was ending it between them.

She wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or devastated. Instead, she leaned her head back against the the seat and closed her eyes, giving in to the exhaustion she felt.

When she woke, she found herself on the couch in his hotel room. The lights were dim, but she saw him sitting in the chair across from her, his attention focused on the screen of his phone. She watched his face as the glowing light reflected his expression. A stab of pain ran through her when she remembered why he'd brought her here.

She sat up suddenly, startling him slightly.

"You're awake." He spoke hesitantly, as if he were afraid of her response.

"Yes," she answered.

"Good." Nervously, he set down his phone, his eyes darting around the room. "I need to— I want to—"

"Just say it, Choi Young Do." Her voice sounded alien, even to her own ears.

He stopped and looked at her, clearly surprised by her tone. He straightened his shoulders and instantly seemed to control his anxiety. "Right." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, sitting her on his lap. His fingers started to draw lazy circles on her back and she felt her body instantly respond to the careless touch. She stiffened and his hand stilled.

"Eun Sang, I—"

She watched him struggle to speak and panicked. _Not now. Not like this. Please. _She stood up and pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor by her feet. She met his eyes without embarrassment—her desperation made her bold. He looked up at her in shock.

"Cha Eun Sang—" he breathed, his voice almost reverent. She could see the hunger in his eyes. He rose, taking her face in his hands and kissing her deeply. She leaned into him and his arms went around her, his hands splayed across the skin of her back.

He broke away from her and in one swift movement, pulled his shirt off. He stood in front of her and she could see that he was struggling to calm himself. "Touch me." He spoke through gritted teeth.

Her eyes widened in shock. She hadn't been expecting this.

"Please. Before I lose my nerve." His voice was tight with tension.

Hesitantly, she reached toward his chest. _Please._ As her hand connected with his skin, she felt him flinch slightly, but he didn't pull away. Beneath her fingers, she could feel the ridges and smooth skin of his scars—she could feel his heart racing. They stood there, unmoving, for a long moment.

Then he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

* * *

Afterward, as they lay together in his bed, she knew that it was over between them. It may not have been his intention when he brought her here, but the reality of the situation was still the same: he was healing. It was all she had to give to him. If she allowed things to continue now, she was the only one who would be hurt. He had been honest with her about his feelings—it was time for her to do the same.

She stood up quickly, taking the sheet with her to cover herself as she moved around the room collecting her clothing. He stirred from a doze and rolled over to watch her.

"What are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"I'm leaving."

He shifted his head to look at the clock. "Let me take you home."

"No."

He stilled, watching her as she pulled her clothes on beneath the cover of the sheet. "Why not?"

She didn't look at him as she spoke. "It's over."

He sat up, the bedspread falling down and exposing his bare torso. She kept her eyes fixed on the floor, not trusting herself to look at him knowing it might weaken her resolve.

"Are you joking right now? If so, let me assure you that the joke isn't funny." His voice was cold.

"No." She took a deep breath, fixing a blank look on her face before meeting his eyes. "It's over. I can't keep doing this."

"After what just happened— What we did— This is how you want to leave things?"

Anger rose in her. "You're still so selfish. You tell me you don't love me—you can't love me—but everything you do makes me fall in love with you a little more. You want me, but only when it's convenient for you—for your needs. I thought that maybe I could— But no. In what possible way does our relationship make any sense? There's no future here. If I stay with you, I'm condemning myself to a lifetime of misery. As much as I love you, I won't give up my life—and if you have even the smallest amount of feeling for me, you won't ask me to."

She watched his face change as she spoke, shifting from anger to regret to acceptance.

"You're right. I've been unfair to you."

She finished dressing in silence. As she moved toward the bedroom door, she paused, and looked back at him. He remained in the bed, still as a statue, his eyes fixed firmly away from her.

"Don't come to my house anymore. Don't come to my work. Keep your distance at school. It will be better for both of us this way." Her voice cracked.

He nodded.

"Choi Young Do?" He finally met her eyes. "He doesn't have any control over you. Not any more. It's why he hurts you. Don't let him win." She saw tears in his eyes and turned away quickly. If she kept looking at him, she wouldn't have the strength to leave. She walked out.

* * *

When she entered the kitchen, her mother turned to her with a smile that immediately faded.

"_Where's Young Do? He sent me a message earlier to say that he'd bring you home after work? What happened?_" she signed.

"Don't ask Choi Young Do to come over anymore. Please, eomma."

"_Did you fight?"_

"Please," she begged, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Please don't ask me."

Her mother shook her head angrily. _"What happened?"_

"I can't— It was too much. He wants more than I can give. I know you like him. I do too. I love him. But I can't—"

"_Eun Sang. Take some time to think about it. Don't make impulsive decisions based on your emotions in the moment. He's blossomed with you—you've helped him come out of his shell. But don't think I haven't noticed the toll it's taken on you. If you feel that this is the right decision, I understand. I love you, my daughter."_

Her mother took her in her arms and Eun Sang cried until there was nothing left.


	19. Chapter 19

After that day, Eun Sang was surprised to find that life continued much as it had before.

She had been sure that she would never recover. The stab of pain she felt when she saw him at school eventually became a twinge, then a slight ache. It helped that she saw him growing stronger, more confident. There were no more bruises or cuts. She even saw him interacting with other students, though he still didn't seem close to anyone.

Her flower had fully bloomed and it was enough for her to know that she might have helped in some way. She kept that knowledge close —it sustained her, even on the dark nights when she was alone.

Her nightmares had gotten worse. Her mother was worried, but said nothing. Eun Sang kept a smile on her face and her attention fixed on her school work, so there was little that her mother could do.

Sometimes she dreamt that he came to her in the night. It was hard not to look for him the next day. She wondered if he had dreams like that too—she learned to stop that thought quickly. It was an act of self-preservation.

The biggest surprise of all had been Kim Tan. He had become her one and only friend. After the break up, he'd supported her without question—without expecting something in return.

In retrospect, it was easy to see how they'd fallen into dating.

He was easy to be around and he made her laugh. He never once questioned her on the days when her dark moods surfaced—instead he would sit beside her quietly, just holding her hand or joking with her. He never pushed her for more than that. She accepted his understanding and patience with gratitude, and more than a little bit of guilt. It was obvious to her that he cared for her a great deal more than she for him. If she let herself think about it too long, she would find herself drawing parallels between the two relationships.

Instead, she allowed herself to float along, burying her feelings beneath the façade of her relationship with Kim Tan. She only hoped that someday she would begin to feel more strongly towards him—it was the only way she'd be able to forget Young Do.

It should not have surprised her, then, when one morning the conversations in the hallway suddenly stopped. She turned from her locker in time to see Choi Young Do walk by, hand-in-hand with a girl—the same girl that had been with him at the coffee shop. She watched as he scanned the rows of people lining the hallway until his gaze settled on her. Young Do maintained the eye contact as he continued down the hallway.

Eun Sang turned back to her locker, her legs numb and heart pounding. She could hear whispering from the students on either side of her.

"_Isn't that—"_

"_I heard they're engaged?"_

"_It's a good match for their companies."_

"_What's her name?" _

"_Gang Noo Ri. She's been after him for awhile."_

"_Looks like she finally got what she wanted."_

She stood, just staring into her locker for several long minutes.

"Hey." She heard a soft voice to her left and looked over.

Kim Tan looked concerned. She knew she was an open book. She turned back toward her locker, pulling out her books and shutting the door hard, using the time to paste a bland expression on her face.

She smiled at him, but it was apparent that he wasn't fooled.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

_Why does he have to be so nice?_

"I'm fine." He gave her a skeptical look as they walked to class. "Really."

He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push her further. "Do you have work later?"

"Yes."

"Can I take you?"

That was the difference between Tan and Young Do: one asked, one demanded.

She gave him a genuine smile. "Yes. I always like the company."

He smiled back and moved to take her hand. She let him. There was no spark, but it was nice to be touched.

She didn't realize how much Young Do had touched her until he was no longer around. She craved the contact—she'd had so little of it in her life. It wasn't that her mother wasn't affectionate, but she had always worked so much that she was never around. Eun Sang had spent much of her life alone.

It was better that way. She was better alone.

* * *

She leaned on the counter, head resting on her hand, watching the street traffic pass by the window. Her shift had been fairly uneventful and she was having a hard time keeping busy.

She tried not to think about how Young Do had looked at her in the hallway.

Muffled voices drew her attention.

Choi Young Do and the girl—Gang Noo Ri—were engaged in a heated discussion just outside the doors to the coffee shop. Eun Sang watched as Young Do tried to pull her away, gesturing off in the distance insistently. She saw him move his hand back to rub at his eyebrows as the girl spoke, folding her arms over her chest. He must have recognized his defeat—sighing, he shook his head, then pointed directly at Noo Ri. Eun Sang couldn't make out his words, but it appeared vaguely threatening. She barely had time to process the thought before the girl gave him a saccharine smile and flounced through the door.

Noo Ri's eyes scanned the room until they settled on Eun Sang. She strode over confidently, stepping up to the counter and staring at her unabashedly. Eun Sang watched the other girl's eyes look over her uniform, before moving back up to take in her hair and face.

The girl's lip curled in disgust as she spoke. "Really, Young Do? Her?"

"Noo Ri—" Eun Sang had been so distracted by the girl's blatant scrutiny, that she hadn't noticed Young Do's entrance. His voice held a note of warning. Their eyes met and Eun Sang immediately looked away.

_Why does it still hurt so much?_

"Sorry, oppa. I'll be nice." The girl gave him a coy smile and then turned her attention back to Eun Sang. "I'll have a mango juice. Not too much ice."

She rang it up, then turned her head toward Young Do, fixing her eyes at a point over his shoulder. "Would you like something, customer?"

"Yes." Eun Sang recognized the tone of his voice—he was clearly not referring to a beverage. She fought her body's response to the sound, cursing it for betraying her with just a word. He let the word hang in the air for a moment before continuing. "Mango juice. Extra ice."

"That will be ₩13,000." She kept her eyes fixed on the counter. He handed her a ₩50,000 note and she rang it up.

"Oppa, let her keep the change. It looks like she needs it more than we do." Noo Ri's cloyingly sweet voice grated on Eun Sang's already frayed nerves. She placed the change on the counter, not trusting herself to keep from throwing it in the other girl's face. Quickly, she turned away and began making the drinks.

"She doesn't need charity—she's dating Kim Tan." The anger in Young Do's voice was apparent.

She stopped, slamming the pitcher down on the counter. _How dare he? _She forced herself to remain facing away from them until she regained control of her temper. Pasting a smile on her face, she turned back toward them, placing the drinks on the counter.

"Here you go. Have a nice day." Eun Sang was pleased by the even tone of her voice.

Noo Ri picked up the glass and scrutinized it closely. "This has too much ice in it. Make it again." She pushed the drink back toward Eun Sang.

Eun Sang looked down into it, noting the two cubes floating at the surface. "Would you like it without any ice, customer?"

"No. I said I wanted it without too much ice. That's too much. Make it again." Noo Ri's voice clearly indicated that she was challenging Eun Sang.

"Noo Ri—" Young Do was angry, but it was apparent that Noo Ri hadn't learned his warning signs yet.

"But, oppa—" she whined.

She watched Young Do's face go blank—a sure sign that his patience was almost at the breaking point.

_This girl doesn't know him at all._

Eun Sang broke in quickly to defuse the rising tension. "Of course. I'll be happy to make it again."

She turned back to the prep area and started making another drink. From behind her, she could hear the girl cooing softly and giggling.

It made her nauseated.

Eun Sang turned around and placed the new drink on the counter.

Noo Ri peeled herself away from Young Do's side and once again scrutinized the drink closely. "No. This is still too much. Can you crush the ice and just sprinkle it on top?"

For a brief moment, Eun Sang considered pouring the drink on the other girl. The mental image was enough to sustain her. She took a deep breath and started to respond.

Before she could speak, Young Do grabbed Noo Ri's arm and dragged her out of the coffee shop. Eun Sang caught a glimpse of his face as he exited with the shrieking girl—she shivered when she saw the naked fury there.

Sighing, she picked up the drinks and poured them down the drain.

* * *

Kim Tan had sent a message saying he would be late picking her up, so she worked slowly at her closing duties, stalling for time. Thirty minutes later, there was still no sign of Kim Tan's car. She grabbed her coat and bag from the back and locked the front door, deciding to wait outside in the unusually warm spring night.

She was digging around in her bag when she felt a hand grab her arm. She turned, not looking up. "You weren't kidding about being late—"

"He makes you wait outside for him?"

Eun Sang looked up in shock to find Young Do standing there. He was still angry—she could the tension in the set of his mouth.

"Why— What are you doing here?"

He looked at her, then grabbed her other arm, pulling her toward him. "I asked you a question. Does he make you wait outside? Are you a dog waiting for her master?"

"Stop it. It's none of your concern anyway."

"Why did you let her talk to you like that?"

Eun Sang's head spun with the rapid change in topic. "Wha— Oh. Your fiancée. What was I supposed to do?"

"Fight for yourself."

"I don't have the energy to fight any more. I tried. I always lose."

It was evident that they were no longer talking about Gang Noo Ri.

"So you won't fight? No matter what?" he asked.

"No, Choi Young Do. I won't."

"Good," he said. "Then there's nothing to stop me from doing this."

He bent down and kissed her.


	20. Chapter 20

Eun Sang knew the kiss was a challenge.

"_You think you can live without me? Without this?"_

It made her angry. After everything that had happened between them—for him to come and try and shake up her life—it wasn't fair.

She pushed him away. "Stop. You can't do that anymore. You've lost the right."

He looked at her for a long moment. "What if I want to—" He was interrupted by a right hook to his face.

Tan's face was furious. He took a hold of her arm and moved her behind his body, using it as a barrier between her and Young Do. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Young Do turned back to face Tan, rubbing his jaw. "This doesn't concern you."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure it does. Eun Sang is moving on. Without you. If you really cared about her, you would let her go."

"That's convenient for you. I'm sure you'd prefer that. It didn't take you long to move in. How long have you been planning this, Tan? Since you saw her at school? Or maybe you knew about her before then? Did you have me followed? You and your family are experts at ruining people's lives— Did you feel like you needed to finish the job with me? It's not like you haven't already done enough—"

Tan's arm coiled back to throw another punch.

"Stop!" she screamed.

Both boys turned to face her, shocked by the naked frustration in her voice.

"Stop," she whispered, her anger suddenly draining out of her, leaving her tired and shaking. "I'm leaving."

Tan moved to her side, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry. Let me take you home."

She nodded, not meeting his eyes. "Let's go."

He kept his arm around her and she leaned into the support. Every fiber of her being cried out for her to shrug off his arm and run to Young Do, still standing in the distance.

She kept walking and got into Tan's car. She didn't look for Young Do as they drove off.

* * *

The apartment was dark when they pulled up.

It only took a moment for her to make a decision.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked him.

He was surprised by the question, but nodded in agreement.

She was determined. She could move on. She could get past this.

Tan trailed her to the front door, waiting quietly behind her as she unlocked the door and flipped on the hall lights.

She waited until he had taken off his shoes.

She kissed him.

It was their first kiss.

He had never demanded anything from her. He always allowed her to take the lead and they hadn't moved beyond clasped hands and gentle embraces.

There was nothing gentle about this kiss.

She kissed him to forget. She kissed him so that she would stop feeling.

He responded.

Her hands moved to his jacket, slipping it off. Then she moved to the buttons on his shirt, opening it wide enough so that she could slip her hands inside, moving over his stomach to the muscles of his back. He moaned into her mouth.

His reaction made her feel powerful—in control.

She wanted more.

She pulled away from him, taking his hand and leading him to her bedroom. She switched on the lamp on her bedside table, then turned to look at him. His eyes held a mixture of fear and excitement.

She had done that to him.

She was in control.

He watched her hungrily as she pulled her shirt over her head and stood in front of him, allowing him to look. His excitement had deepened into lust.

"Touch me," she ordered.

He started from his daze, reaching out his hand hesitantly. Her eyes slid closed, anticipating the sensation.

The touch never came.

Confused, her she opened her eyes to look at him. He was sitting on her bed, his head in his hands.

"What's wrong?"

He looked up at her. "Not like this, Eun Sang. Not like this."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

She got angry then—very angry. "No, I'm afraid I don't."

"What's about to happen here— This isn't about you and me. This is about you and Young Do. I don't want it to be like that. Not my first— Not my first time."

She ignored his words and straddled him, pulling his shirt off completely. His body was responding, even if his words were fighting her.

"Please, Eun Sang. Stop," he groaned as she moved to kiss his neck.

He wanted this. She knew he wanted it. She just needed him to stop thinking. His arms snaked around her, holding her in place. She smiled against his neck.

_That's it. Just let go._

Just as suddenly, she felt him freeze up and stop responding. He pushed her off his lap and moved to the end of the bed. She watched as he struggled to control himself.

"No," he said again—more firmly this time.

She moved toward him, embracing him from behind. "You want this," she whispered in his ear. "Don't think. Don't be a coward." She was taunting him now, but she didn't care.

He moved so quickly that she hardly had time to realize what was happening. Tan pounced on her with a growl, forcing her back on the bed. He held her down with the weight of his body and pinned her hands over her head. There was nothing gentle about the way he held her now.

"Don't push me, Eun Sang. I can only hold back for so long."

She moved her hips restlessly underneath him. His hands tightened on her wrists to the point of pain.

He looked down at her. "This isn't you. What did he do to you?"

She stilled. Her eyes closed as she fought tears.

"I love him," she said.

"I know."

"It wasn't enough."

"I'm sorry, Eun Sang. I know how you feel."

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I wish I could be in love with you. I wish I had met you first."

"I'm not going to give up on you."

"You should."

"Do you want me to? Really?" She could hear the pain in his voice.

She didn't know—she didn't know her own mind anymore. Instead, she chose not to answer.

He rolled off of her and picked up his shirt off the floor, pulling it back on. "I'm going to go," he said softly. "Will you be okay?"

Eun Sang didn't look at him as she replied. "I don't deserve you."

"No. You deserve better."

A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it. She wiped at it absentmindedly. "Don't say things like that."

"I have to—I have to keep saying things like that until you start believing me." He walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. "I'll see you tomorrow."

After he left, she sat, staring off into the distance, still only half-dressed. Eventually, she crawled under the covers of her bed, falling into a restless sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

She awoke to a soft touch on her hair. In her half-conscious state, she shifted restlessly on the bed, expecting the sensation to be part of a dream. Her arm touched a warm presence to her right.

"Did you sleep with him?" The voice was low—dangerous in its softness.

Her eyes flew open. She pushed away from the presence in her bed, scrambling for the lamp at the bedside. Hands reached for her, pulling her away and preventing her from turning on the light. Tucking her against his body, Young Do held her loosely restrained. She tested the strength of his grip to see if she could break away—he tightened his arms around her.

"Answer the question," he ordered.

"What does it matter to you? How did you even know he was here?"

"It's what I would have done, if I had been in place. I would have brought you back here and made you forget." His voice was a caress.

"He's not you."

"Yes, and that's the problem, isn't it?"

"Not any more it isn't." As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. The statement hung in the air between them for a moment.

"So you did sleep together? I'm surprised. I didn't think he had it in him." She could hear the fury in his voice.

"I'm not answering questions about my relationship. It's none of your business."

"Oh no? But don't you want to hear about Noo Ri? She's a screamer, you know—you were always so quiet."

Pain coursed through her body. She knew that he was deliberately antagonizing her—he wanted to hurt her. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you so angry?"

"Because you walked away from me. You left me."

"You agreed to it. You agreed to it from the very beginning."

"Maybe I've changed my mind."

"It's too late, Young Do."

She felt him shift, his mouth moving close to her ear. "Why did you give up?" he whispered.

"You told me that you didn't love me. Why would I continue in a relationship like that? There's no future for us. There's nothing."

"There's this." He ran his hands over her and she felt herself lean into the touch—her body hadn't forgotten him and all she wanted to do was give in.

She fought against the tide of sensations, trying to keep her head clear. "That's not the basis for a long-term relationship." Her voice sounded shaky and she struggled to maintain control. "It's just hormones."

"No, Eun Sang. That's where you're wrong. There's more going on here than that. You just refuse to see it."

"There's nothing going on—you're engaged now." Bitterness crept into her voice. "You have a future with her. She can offer you things I could never even dream of."

"That's it then? It's completely over between us?"

She pulled herself free and reached over to turn the light on. Rolling back over, she looked him in frustration. "What do you want me to do? What do you want from me? I gave you everything I had and it wasn't enough."

"It was enough. My heart was changing. I just needed more time."

"How can I believe that when every day you reminded me that you were incapable of returning my love?"

He looked as if he'd been slapped. "I thought you understood—when you touched me—what I was telling you."

She rolled her eyes. "What were you telling me beyond the fact that you didn't need me any more?"

"So—you didn't know?" Confusion was etched on his features.

"Know what?"

"Damn it, Eun Sang. I thought you— Damn it." He moved to kiss her, but she pulled away.

"Stop. I won't do this to Tan. I won't make a fool out of him."

"That's all you can think about at a time like this? Kim Tan?"

"He loves me. I won't break his heart the way you broke mine. He deserves better."

His face went blank—a sure sign that he was very, very angry. "Because you're so madly in love with him?"

The blood drained from her face, but she didn't respond.

He flipped her on her back and covered her body with his. She felt herself react much differently to the position this time. Every point of her body that touched his felt like it was on fire.

"Stop, Young Do."

He nuzzled into her neck, kissing her softly just below her ear. "Tell me you love him."

"I love him." It was difficult to form the words with him so near.

"That was hardly convincing, Eun Sang. You can do better than that." He continued to kiss a path down her neck until he reached her collarbone.

"He's a good person. At least he loves me."

"And what you're doing to him? Is it any different that what I did to you?" He spoke the words against her skin and she felt them sink beneath the fog of her desire. She struggled against him, feeling the full weight of her own hypocrisy. He laughed, but there was no humor in the tone. "You want this as much as I do. Stop fighting it."

"What about your fiancée?"

"What about her?"

"What would she do if she knew where you were right now?"

"Are you threatening me?" His voice dropped to a growl. "Because that's not going to deter me. If anything, it's a turn on, so you may want to watch your words. Noo Ri doesn't matter."

"How can you say that? You're going to marry her."

"Our families want us to marry. There's a difference."

"And what do you want?"

He sighed. "I want you to remember what you gave up—and I want you to stop thinking and just let go."

She was tired—tired of fighting her desires and allowing her better judgement to rule her. She wanted him to love her, but right now she just wanted him. She wanted the way he would make her feel—the way that his touch made her forget about everything else.

"Sometimes I hate you," she said.

His face went blank again. "I know. I hate myself too."

She let herself pretend that things would be different this time—that if she allowed this to happen now, they would be able to move on. It would be closure on their short time together.

She was lying to herself and she knew it.

She didn't care.

He reached past her and turned off the light.

She didn't stop him.

He moved over her again, covering her with his body. He rested his weight on his elbows and looked down at her. In the dim light filtering in from the street light, she could just make out his face, partially obscured in shadow.

"I'll ask you again—did you sleep with him?"

"No," she whispered.

He dropped his head to kiss her—a soft, teasing kiss that left her aching. Pulling back, he looked at her once more.

"That's because you're mine. You will never belong to anyone else."

As they moved together in the darkness, re-learning what months of separation had stolen from them, she heard him whisper the same word over and over again.

"Mine."

Her last coherent thought was a silent prayer that one day she would belong to herself again.


	22. Chapter 22

She woke in the morning and found him next to her, still asleep. Greedily, she drank him in—the way his mouth turned up into a slight smile as he slept; the way his legs moved restlessly, hanging off the edge of her narrow bed. The ringing of her phone startled her and she nearly fell in her haste to reach it.

"Hello?" she whispered, not wanting to wake Young Do.

"I'm outside. Are you ready?"

Eun Sang froze when she realized just how late it was. She felt the blood drain from her face—Kim Tan was outside the apartment, waiting to take her to school.

Quickly, she jumped up from the bed, wrapping the sheet around her and running toward the hallway bathroom. From behind her, she sensed rather than heard that her movements had woken Young Do.

"I— I woke up late. I can just take the bus. Go ahead without me."

"Are you okay? You sound strange. Are you feeling all right?" She could hear Tan's concern radiating through the phone.

"I'm fine," she replied breathlessly, fear stealing her voice. "Just go. I'll meet you there."

"Okay." His voice sounded skeptical, but he didn't push her further. "See you a bit later."

She disconnected the line, then sank to the floor. She pulled the sheet around her tighter, shivering on the cold tile.

_This wasn't supposed to happen. Why did I let this happen?_

A knock at the bathroom door startled her.

"Eun Sang. Are you in there?"

She didn't respond.

He knocked on the door again and she heard him try the handle. From the floor, she stared at the door—she felt as if she were floating away from her body.

"Eun Sang." Young Do's voice was more insistent now. "Open the door."

She stood slowly and turned the lock, keeping the sheet around her like a shield. She hesitated a moment, but stepped back quickly, anticipating the confrontation to come.

Instead, the door swung open slowly. Young Do stood, bare-chested, clad only in his pants, his feet also bare. His hair was mussed and in the early morning light, it looked like a halo. He was so beautiful—it was all she could do to keep from touching him. Instead, they stood silently looking at each other.

She finally spoke. "You have to wait to leave. Tan's outside. I told him to leave without me, but he's going to wait. I know him."

His face turned up into a sneer. "You don't know him. It's fine. Let him see. Better here than to be surprised at school. At least there's no witnesses here." He flexed his hands as he spoke, as if anticipating the violence to come.

"What are you talking about?"

He stared at her in confusion. "Once he sees we're back together, he's going to get very angry. It's better if the fight doesn't happen at school."

"There isn't going to be a fight," she spoke slowly, "because you're going to wait to leave until we're gone. That way he won't see you."

"I don't understand."

She shifted on her feet, gathering her strength. "We're not getting back together, Young Do. Last night was a mistake that I won't be repeating."

"But you love me."

"Yes."

"So what's the problem here?"

She grabbed the nearest object at hand—a small glass jar—and threw it in frustration, hoping to shock him with the sudden violence. It shattered, sending shards of glass flying toward her. They pricked at her feet, causing small cuts on the arches. She hardly noticed the pain—her rage overpowered everything else.

"Nothing has changed. Nothing. If we start seeing each other again, we'll fall right back into the same pattern. If you want me, then you need to prove that things would be different. Sneaking into my house and sleeping with me is hardly proof of anything besides the fact that we are ruled by our hormones. That's not love, it's addiction." She looked at him, hoping that he saw the earnestness in her face. "I have a chance with Tan. A chance to start over again— Don't take it away from me."

He charged at her, grabbing her forcefully and drawing her against him. "I love the way you whisper my name when you come. I love the way I can barely touch you and you're already ready for me. What is that, if not love?"

She stared up at him. "I love the way you open the door for me when I get into the car. I love the way you smile when you see a dog, but try and hide it because you don't want anyone to know how much you love animals. I love how you always bow to my mother before leaving." She searched his face for some sign that he understood. "That's love, Young Do—not only stolen moments in the dark, but living every day in the light."

There was nothing but a blank look on his face.

She pulled away from him, moving to grab her uniform from the back of the door. He stood there as she moved around him, dabbing at the cuts on her feet, brushing her teeth and pulling her hair back into a ponytail. He just watched her, not speaking. Finally, in a moment of frustration, she dropped the sheet and dressed quickly. She could see the spark of hunger in eyes, but he made no move to touch her.

"Stay here until I leave. Please." She hoped that he could hear the pleading note in her voice.

He nodded and she moved past him toward the front door, grabbing her school bag and slipping her shoes on, before pausing a moment and turning back to him. He hadn't turned around, but was still standing just inside the threshold to the bathroom.

"Give me this chance, Young Do. Take the chance that Noo Ri is offering you." She spoke the words to his back, but she could tell from the set of his shoulders that he had heard and understood.

Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked out the front door.

Blinking in the sudden bright light of the morning, she held her hand to the sky to block some of the sun's rays. Leaning on the car, looking effortlessly cool and collected, was Tan. He smiled when their eyes met—a genuine smile that lit up his whole face. She felt her heart contract—part pain, part pleasure.

She wanted it to be Young Do there waiting for her—a smile on his face. But, in her heart, she could feel a small shift. She could feel how easy it was to be with someone who loved her wholeheartedly.

She could feel how easy it was to be in love with Kim Tan.

So she walked up to him and took his hand and then she kissed him. It was a soft, chaste kiss, but she could feel the longing behind it. His surprise was evident—before last night, she had never taken the lead. She was close enough to him to feel the racing of his heart.

Breaking away, she smiled up at him. "Thank you for waiting. I'm sorry I'm making you late."

"It's okay. I don't mind. You're worth waiting for."

He opened the door for her and she slid in to the car. As the car pulled away, he moved to take her hand, squeezing it gently. She looked over at him.

"I love you, Eun Sang." He had a giddy smile on his face as he spoke the words.

Eun Sang felt that she had finally come back into the light.


	23. Chapter 23

Eun Sang didn't tell Kim Tan that she loved him in return. He understood. The unspoken words were not a burden, but rather a promise of things to come. For now, they could both be content with that.

When they arrived at the school, Tan extended his hand to her, helping her out of the car. She gave it a gentle squeeze as she took it and he smiled in return. Another car pulled up in front of them. She watched as a girl exited—Eun Sang didn't recognize her.

When she glanced over at Tan, it was clear that he did.

She'd never seen such a look of pain on a person's face before. She watched as the girl's eyes met Kim Tan's—the girl stiffened, then nodded ever so slightly before walking away quickly. Eun Sang looked back to Kim Tan and saw that he was pale, but calmer.

"What—"

She had only just started to form the question when she felt someone brush by her. Young Do grabbed Tan by the lapels of his jacket and pushed him up against the car brutally.

"Don't." Young Do spoke so softly to Tan that Eun Sang had to strain to make out the word.

To her surprise, instead of fighting back, Tan closed his eyes and nodded. Young Do released Tan and turned to look at her. For a moment, he just stared at her—it was clear he was trying to tell her something—but she didn't understand. Young Do shook his head, then glanced back at Tan with a warning look.

"Stay away. It's better that way." The tone of Young Do's voice made it clear that it was an order, not a request.

Again, Tan didn't speak, but just nodded and grabbed for Eun Sang's hand, leading her into the school.

"Why—"

Tan cut her off. "We need to talk. After school."

She stopped walking, pulling on his arm to force him to stop and face her. "What's going on? It's clear that there's something I don't know about."

"Not now, Eun Sang. Later." His voice was dismissive.

"What is it with you two? What gives you the right to avoid my questions—to make decisions concerning me without even taking my feelings into consideration?" She had reached her breaking point.

The tone of her voice seemed to snap Tan from his thoughts. He looked at her—really looked at her—and his face fell. "No. You're right. I understand that this looks bad. I want to be completely honest with you, but now is not the right time. Please."

She walked away from him and didn't look back.

* * *

As she left the school that afternoon, Eun Sang had her head down, focused on the text message from her mother letting her know that her aunt was still sick and that she would be gone a few extra days. Sighing, she stuffed her phone into her bag and looked up, surprised to find Kim Tan and Choi Young Do engaged in a heated discussion just outside the main entrance of the school. She stopped and watched as Young Do got menacingly close to Tan, gesturing wildly as he spoke. Surprisingly, Tan appeared chastened, and made no move to defend himself. Instead, he looked off into the distance as Young Do talked, occasionally nodding in agreement.

Suddenly, Young Do grabbed Tan by the lapels. Whatever he said to Tan finally seemed to cause a reaction and Tan pushed Young Do away forcefully. Seeing that the confrontation was about to escalate, Eun Sang ran to them, arriving just in time to hear the end of Young Do's threat.

"...lie to her, I will make your life hell." Young Do looked over at her, then walked away abruptly.

She watched him leave, willing herself to stay where she was and not chase after him.

_Look back. Let me know you're okay._

He never did.

Finally, she turned back to Tan and saw him standing, watching her. She flushed slightly.

"Do you want to talk?" His voice was hoarse and the rawness of it shocked her.

"Sure."

He looked around numbly, his eyes finally settling on a bench a short distance away. He moved toward it, not bothering to see if she followed. Eun Sang was surprised by the change in Tan that she had witnessed today. He'd been withdrawn and distant, barely speaking, and he had disappeared after lunch.

He slumped on the bench, rubbing his temples and staring at the ground as he waited for her to join him. She sat gingerly next to him, bracing herself in anticipation of what he was about to say.

"That was Yoo Rachel." He spoke slowly, the emotion thick in his voice. "I'm sure you noticed my reaction."

"Yes."

"She and I— We—dated. Over a year ago. Her mother is rich, though not as rich as my family. And I don't mean to brag, but you need to understand that to understand what happened." He stopped again, closing his eyes as if he were in pain.

"Go on," she said.

"Our families became—entangled, I guess would be the right word. My father is not a nice person and when it comes to business, he's ruthless. He almost took down her mother's company and left them with nothing."

"That's hardly your fault, though I suppose her mother wouldn't appreciate you seeing each other."

"That's just it, though. It was my fault. My father only became aware of her mother's company and the potential that it held for him when I began dating Rachel. And then—" He broke off, biting his lip and looking away as if he were ashamed. "Rachel asked for my help and I could have given it to her but—" It was evident that his next words cost him a great deal of effort to speak: "I didn't. I couldn't."

Eun Sang placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You were loyal to your family. Surely she can see why."

"No. That's just it. It wasn't loyalty. I was too afraid. I was afraid of my father and the power he had over me. The aftermath was ugly, Eun Sang. I'm not eager to relive it. Our parents sent us abroad to separate us; I went to the United States, she went to China. My first day back was your first day at Jeguk."

"And now she's back too?"

"Yes. It seems. I didn't think she would ever come back, but that's Rachel. She's proud—too proud sometimes. Her mother probably let her come back to drive home the point that my family failed."

"But why did Young Do—"

"The three of us are childhood friends. Rachel is like a sister to him. He was furious that I didn't try and help her. Say what you will about Choi Young Do, but he is loyal. To a fault sometimes. If he cares about you, he will do whatever he can, even to his own detriment." He shook his head sadly. "There's more—more history between the two of us, but that's not my story to tell."

"So now what? It's obvious that you still have feelings for Rachel."

He turned to her, his face serious, and took her hand. "I will always love Rachel, but there's no way forward for us. You, on the other hand, are the first girl that I've been interested in for a long time. I care for you, Eun Sang—I love you. I believe that we can be good for each other. You want to move on from Young Do; I'm still moving on from Rachel. Can't we help each other?"

She looked away. She was tired of her life being a series of compromises and half-promises of something better in the future. She was tired of being settled for and settling. It was shocking how quickly things had changed from this morning.

She knew the pain that Tan was experiencing—it was evident now that they were both trying to escape the past.

Eun Sang knew that it was futile.

"Tan, you don't love me—you love the idea of me. From what I can tell, I'm the opposite of Rachel in every way. You love that I'm not her—when you see me, you don't have to see her. We can't use each other to hide from our problems. We'll end up hurting each other more if we try and force this to work." She stood up, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of her. "You will always be my friend, but that's all. That's why that night in my room you stopped things—you knew it wasn't right. I hope we can both find a way to move on, but forcing a relationship where there is only friendship is not the way to do it." She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

She left him sitting on the bench, lost in thought.

She started walking.

She knew where she had to go.


	24. Chapter 24

Her feet carried her to the bus stop and then downtown. Soon she found herself in front of the hotel.

She walked through the lobby, not stopping even as she heard the desk clerk call from behind her.

"Miss? Miss? You can't— Miss!"

She stepped on to the elevator, watching as the clerk tried to rush over before the doors closed. Just as the woman closed the distance, the doors slid shut and Eun Sang breathed a sigh of relief. The element of surprise was gone, but she was counting on the fact that Young Do hadn't been expecting her at all.

The doors slid open with a ding and she gathered her courage as she stepped off. The hall was silent, but she swore she could hear her heart echoing in the corridor. Instinctively, her hand went to her chest, trying to calm the racing.

She was terrified.

She **had **to do this.

Knocking softly at the door, she wasn't surprised when it swung open after only a moment. He stood in the doorway, a wary look on his face. She said nothing, but instead pushed past him into the room.

She stood in the middle of the living area, arms crossed over her chest, waiting for him. He followed her after a moment, but stopped abruptly when he saw the way she was standing.

The pounding in her chest intensified.

She stared at him for a long time, hoping that it would unsettle him—she wanted him off balance. To the casual observer, there was no change in his outward demeanor, but Eun Sang knew him. His fingers twitched ever so slightly, itching to smooth over his eyebrows with nervous energy. He controlled it well, but she could see the cracks in his facade.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were trying to protect me?" The words were sharp as they left her mouth—inwardly she cringed, but she knew that she couldn't afford to show him weakness.

"You didn't react well to my attempts to protect you."

"There's a difference between protecting me and smothering me. Also, did you perhaps ever think that it might be a good idea to talk to me—to tell me what had happened between you two?"

"I— Rachel— Enough people knew about her humiliation. I thought Kim Tan would tell you his side of the story. I thought you would find out eventually."

She stepped closer to him, jabbing a finger into his chest. "You." She punctuated the word with another swift poke to his chest. "All you had to do is talk to me. Instead, you tried to talk with your body, not realizing that I don't understand that as well as you do. Damn it, Young Do." Her hand fisted in his shirt and she pulled at him in frustration. "What can we do? It's too late now." Her voice betrayed her vulnerability, but she was beyond being able to control her emotions.

"I'm never going to be good at communicating. Too much has happened to me. But, Eun Sang, I'll try—every day I'll try for you. Give me a chance." HIs voice was raw with emotion, but his face was still impassive.

"What about Gang Noo Ri? You owe her more—you can't just drop her like this. For all your talk of responsibility, you must know that—and your families. The merger—"

"I know— I'll think of something—"

She looked up at him, taking his face in her hands and forcing him to look her in the eye. "She loves you. That's why she acted the way she did. Be kind to her. I know what it feels like to be in her place."

He stared her for a long moment, and she sensed that he was gathering his courage. "There's a difference." He paused and took a deep breath. "I don't love her."

Eun Sang dropped her hands and took a step back. She felt her knees give out and she sank to the floor.

"Why?" she gasped in pain. "Why now, Young Do? There's too much between us—too much keeping us apart."

He crouched down on the floor in front of her. "I tried to tell you that night in the hotel when you broke up with me. It's what I was telling you—what I thought I was telling you. I didn't realize—"

"Stop. Please stop. I can't—"

He moved toward her and gathered her in his arms. She let him hold her, accepting the momentary comfort, knowing it couldn't last.

She felt numb.

Pulling away from him, she took a deep breath and looked at the floor. "I wish that I had done things differently—I should never have given in the way I did." She shifted her gaze to him. "I have some blame in this. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "What was happening between us wasn't healthy—it would have destroyed us, probably more quickly that we ever could have imagined." He paused again and she clearly sensed his uncertainty. "I want to come to you with a clear conscience, Eun Sang. It's going to take some time. I'm not asking you to wait for me, but promise you'll at least listen to me when the time comes."

She nodded and she saw some of his tension drain away.

"I should go," she murmured.

"Yes." His words agreed, but his voice said otherwise.

Standing on shaky legs, she grabbed the back of a chair to steady herself. She looked down at him, still crouched on the floor, looking defeated and tired.

"I want to— I told Tan it was over. He obviously still loves Rachel and I wouldn't want to come between them, even if there was a chance. And I— I love you, Young Do." As she spoke, she realized that she had never just said the words on their own before—they had always been spoken in anger or frustration or sadness. Her heart felt lighter. "I want you to know that whatever happens, I love you."

His eyes welled with tears, but his face still betrayed little of his inner turmoil. He gave her a small smile. "Go," he said. "Before I lose my resolve and beg you to stay."

She started toward the door, but stopped halfway and turned back to him. Kneeling down in front of him, she leaned in and kissed him, tasting the salt from his tears on his lips. Rising again, she practically ran to the door, pulling it open quickly. She dashed down the hallway, still running toward the stairs, forcing herself to keep moving away from him. She burst out into the lobby and kept going, despite the stares, fleeing toward the exit.

Eun Sang moved so fast that she didn't notice Gang Noo Ri sitting on a chair in the lobby.


	25. Chapter 25

They had been keeping their distance at school, though her eyes followed him everywhere.

A few days after their conversation in the hotel, he'd come to school with a black eye. As he walked down the hallway that morning, she'd given him a look of such anguish that he spoke softly to her as he moved past. "I'm okay. Don't cry."

She reached up and touched her cheek in surprise. Quickly, she turned away and faced her locker, not wanting others to see.

When she turned back around, he was gone.

A month later, Choi Young Do disappeared.

He stopped coming to school. His phone was disconnected. When Eun Sang went to the hotel, she was stopped by security and told that Young Do was no longer in residence. She was then gently, but firmly, escorted from the building and told not to come back.

She began inquiring discreetly at school, talking to those she'd seen Young Do interact with. No one seemed to know anything—some wouldn't acknowledge her at all and some were blatantly hostile: "Why do you care, scholarship?"

Even Myung Soo, his one-time friend, seemed baffled. "I haven't seen him. Normally he comes to the club with me, but he hasn't been in weeks. Sorry," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

Finally, she approached Kim Tan. They had also been maintaining their distance, more out of a sense of awkwardness than anything else—but she was running out of options. She caught up to him just before he got into his car after school.

"Can we talk?" she asked hesitantly.

He paused, then turned toward her. "Is this about Choi Young Do?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "Eun Sang, I— I don't know much."

Her heart leapt. _He knows something. Something. Anything._ "Please, Tan." She knew that he could see the look of desperation on her face.

His face softened slightly and he took her arm, guiding her to a nearby bench. He sat and cleared his throat nervously. "His father threw him out."

Her stomach knotted. "Where is he?"

"I don't know, Eun Sang." She gave him a skeptical look. "Honestly, I don't know. I'd be the last person he'd tell."

"What happened? Do you know?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "The merger between Zeus and GK Group fell apart for some reason. No one knows why."

"GK Group?"

"Gang Noo Ri's family. Haven't you noticed? She's been missing from school too? They pulled her out to avoid speculation. They said she's studying abroad and we all know what that means." He gave her a wry smile.

Eun Sang had been so wrapped up in Young Do's disappearance that hadn't noticed Noo Ri's absence. "Is it bad? How serious is it?"

"It's not good, Eun Sang. Parts of the companies had already started to combine. Now that both sides are pulling back, it could cost a lot of money—maybe jobs."

She closed her eyes in defeat. _I did this. It's my fault._ "Thank you, Tan."

"Eun Sang, I— I'm still your friend. Take my advice—don't get mixed up in whatever is happening with him right now."

She nodded.

He reached over and squeezed her hand. She watched him get into the car and drive away.

* * *

Another month passed.

She kept her head down and her eyes focused on work—making drinks, completing school assignments, cooking dinner. Her life became a series of tasks—when one was done, she moved on to the next. Her days were a steady stream of movement from home to school to work to home.

She waited.

Her mother gave her sad glances when she thought she wasn't looking.

One day, Gang Noo Ri appeared at school again and rumors flew in the hallways.

"_The merger—"_

"_What happened?"_

"_Didn't you hear? Choi Young Do called off the engagement."_

"_Why?"_

"_No one knows. They said Gang Noo Ri had a nervous breakdown afterwards."_

"_She probably just had plastic surgery. Her nose looks smaller."_

"_No. My best friend's mother's cousin saw her at the hospital."_

Eun Sang stopped listening and went to class.

That afternoon, as she stood behind the counter of the coffee shop, she was surprised to see Gang Noo Ri enter the store. She stopped just inside the doorway and looked around. The coffee shop was empty, save for Eun Sang's coworker cleaning tables. Her eyes locked on Eun Sang and her face grew hard.

She strode over to her and placed her hands on the counter, leaning in toward Eun Sang.

"I'm not here for you. I'm here for him. But before I do what I came here to do, you're going to listen to me." Noo Ri's voice was low and threatening. "You ruined everything. I love him. He would have come to love me in time. I have more to offer him than you ever could. But you ruined it. I hope you live with that for the rest of your life." She stood up abruptly and pulled something out of her purse, slamming it down on the counter. "Here. He made me promise to bring this to you. He said I was the only one he could trust. I'm only doing this for him. From now on, stay out of my way. I want you out of my sight. If you cross paths with me again, I will make you pay."

With that, Noo Ri turned and stormed out of the store. Eun Sang watched her go, her face flushed in shame. She noticed her coworker staring from the corner and she quickly snatched up the envelope and turned away.

Her name was written on the front with bold blue strokes. The envelope showed signs of wear and smudges of dirt, almost as if it had been crumpled and thrown away. She turned it over and found that it was still sealed.

Carefully, she slid her finger underneath the flap and broke the seal. She pulled out a thick card, covered with a heavy masculine scrawl.

"_I love the way you frown when you're concentrating. I love the way you can touch me and there's no pain. I love that you don't know how beautiful you are. I really do love your mother's dubu jjigae. Most of all, though, I love you. I will come back, Eun Sang. I promise."_

She felt her heart shatter.


	26. Chapter 26

Six months passed.

Eun Sang got used to being alone again.

The news was filled with stories about the "near-miss" merger between Zeus and GK Group. Shortly after the engagement and business deal fell apart, GK filed for bankruptcy. News broke that the company had expanded too far too fast. The rumor was that the filing was part of a deal brokered between the government and GK Group's chairman to keep the company solvent and afloat; a necessary evil because of the government contracts GK Group held. Speculation was rampant about how GK Group had been able to negotiate the deal in the face of the failed merger with Zeus. It would be a long time before the company was profitable again, but at least the family fortune was safe.

Eun Sang followed the news, irrationally hoping for any mention of Choi Young Do. She had found one line in a magazine profile of Zeus' President, Choi Dong Wook: "President Choi's son is currently studying abroad."

She didn't know if it was true—neither did anyone else that she asked. Eun Sang suspected Gang Noo Ri knew something, but after their interaction in the coffee shop, she wouldn't approach her. Noo Ri had given her hope; the least Eun Sang could do was to honor her request to avoid having their paths cross. Noo Ri was having a hard enough time as it was. The students at Jeguk High were not kind to those whose fortunes were on the wane.

So Eun Sang waited—and hoped.

A few days after her eighteenth birthday, she arrived home to find an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the hallway. Her heart beat faster as she examined them more closely. They were obviously expensive.

Dropping her bag, she kicked off her shoes as she ran, her heart near to bursting in her chest. She skidded into the kitchen and found her mother sitting at the table, stiff and very obviously uncomfortable. Her eyes shifted to a man sitting across the table from her. When he saw Eun Sang, he rose and bowed to her.

"Hello, miss."

"Hello," she said warily.

"Do you remember me? My name is Lawyer Kim. We met briefly a while back."

"Yes." She remembered seeing him in the police station and the prosecutor's office after she'd been attacked outside the coffee shop.

"I work for Zeus Hotel Group. I'm sorry to intrude, but there's something I need to speak to you about. Privately." He glanced pointedly to where Eun Sang's mother sat.

She gave her mother a panicked glance. "I'm not sure—"

"Forgive me, miss, but I'm under strict instructions to speak to you privately."

Her heart warred with her head. She was desperate for news of Young Do, but she knew that the lawyer was here for a reason. It was likely that the president himself had sent him.

She glanced over at her mother again.

"_Listen to what he has to say. I'll be just outside the door. Call me if you need me." _She stood and patted Eun Sang's arm reassuringly. _"Just remember, he has no power over you."_ Eun Sang's mother gave the lawyer a pointed look as she left the room.

He watched her go and then turned his attention to Eun Sang. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just get to the point. Choi Young Do will be returning to the country soon. The president has been aware of your relationship for some time and has allowed it in the past, but with the events of the past few months, it will not be possible anymore. I have come, on behalf of the president, to...respectfully ask that you refrain from seeing Choi Young Do in the future. The president realizes that this may be a difficult thing to ask of you, but he is willing to compensate you generously for your sacrifice."

Eun Sang blinked in shock.

"So," she said slowly, "the president wants to pay me to stay away from his son?"

Lawyer Kim looked uncomfortable. "Yes."

"How much?"

He looked surprised at the question. "I'm prepared to offer you a settlement of ₩100,000,000."

The amount took her breath away. _I'm that much of a threat._ She met the lawyer's gaze evenly. "Why is he so scared of me? I'm an eighteen year old girl; he's the president of a international company."

"I, uh—" It was clear that he hadn't anticipated that response.

"Is it because Choi Young Do didn't do what he wanted? Because he broke up the merger? Do you think it was all because of me?"

"Miss, I'm hardly in a position—"

"No." She barked the world loudly. "Please, Lawyer Kim, listen to me. I want you to tell the president every word of what I'm about to say. Choi Young Do may have started to change because of me, but his father is sadly mistaken if he thinks getting rid of me is going to keep him under his thumb. Choi Young Do is a a better man than his father could ever dream of becoming. The change has already happened—keeping me apart from his son won't do any good. The only way I will stay away from Choi Young Do now is if he asks me to himself. The president's money doesn't interest me."

Lawyer Kim gave her a hard look. "Miss, understand that the president can make life difficult for you."

A sharp laugh escaped her lips. "Really? Can it be any worse than the past few months have been for me without him?"

Once again, Eun Sang had shocked the lawyer with her response. "Perhaps you should discuss this with your mother before—"

From behind her, she heard her mother enter the kitchen. Eun Sang turned and looked at her.

Her mother was furious. _"Translate, Eun Sang."_ Eun Sang nodded and her mother began signing.

"My mother says that you need to leave her house. We are not interested in your money."

"But—"

Her mother cut him off with an angry gesture and continued signing.

"She says that if Choi Young Do's father cared about his son as much as she did, he would never say such a thing. It's time for you to leave."

The lawyer rose stiffly from the table. "I'll be in touch." He strode from the kitchen and a few minutes later they heard the front door slam.

Eun Sang stood up and hugged her mother tightly. She broke away and looked at her. "I'm sorry, eomma. I made things worse. I just can't—"

Her mother shook her head. _"No. Remember what I asked you? If he was worth it? You've made your decision. You've been good for him. And, whether or not you realize it, he's been good for you. I'm proud of you." _She saw tears in her mother's eyes. _"I love him too, Eun Sang. I might not be able to protect him, but I can give him my support and my loyalty. Things have always been tough for us. We will survive."_

"Eomma, I—" Eun Sang felt tears spill down her cheeks.

"_I know,"_ her mother signed and hugged her again.

As her mother held her in her arms, she felt her heart beat faster when she remembered Lawyer Kim's words: _"Choi Young Do will be returning to the country soon."_

He was coming home.


	27. Chapter 27

Knowing that he was coming home was worse than not knowing anything at all. Eun Sang woke up each day full of anticipation, and ended each night in her bed, alone, dreaming of his hands.

She was afraid too—afraid of the consequences of defying Choi Young Do's father.

So her life became a mix of fear and longing and apprehension.

And one warm summer day, she turned the corner on her way home and found him standing underneath the awning of a convenience store, sipping from a bottle of water and staring off into the distance.

She forgot how to breathe for a moment. Stopping in her tracks, she took her time and looked her fill. He was beautiful—so beautiful it made her heart hurt. He'd lost the thinness and frailty that she'd come to associate with his father's abuse—now he was all broad shoulders and long legs. He looked strong and healthy and alive.

Eun Sang wanted to fix this moment in her mind, knowing that nothing else would feel this perfect again.

He turned in that moment and saw her. He straightened, but didn't approach her. He just stared, examining her as closely as she had him. Eun Sang watched him realize that he was staring and he gave her a guilty look. She could see that he'd been expecting her to be angry, but instead she smiled at him. His eyes widened in surprise.

She wasn't the same Eun Sang, but it was evident that he wasn't the same Young Do either.

Slowly, they started walking toward each other, meeting up on the sidewalk just up from the store. There was a small tree casting a pool of shade and they stood underneath it, facing each other.

"Hello," he said.

"Hello."

"I'm sorry I had to leave like that."

"It's okay. You came back."

"Things can't be the same as they were."

She felt a stab of pain when he said it, but she knew it was true. "I know."

"My father will never approve of you."

"He's made that abundantly clear."

"My father's a fool if he'd think that he could buy you off."

Her heart skipped a beat. She wasn't surprised that Young Do had found out about the lawyer's visit. "How do you know I didn't take the money?" Her voice was teasing.

He stepped closer to her and his nearness made her legs weak. He looked down into her eyes. "My Eun Sang-ah is too stubborn for such a cheap ploy."

Her eyes slid closed with pleasure at the sound of her name coming from his mouth. It was as if the past year of hell had fallen away with this one moment. She felt his hand on her cheek and her eyes flew open.

"He won't make this easy for us," he said as he stroked her cheek.

"I know. It doesn't matter."

"There's more I need to tell you. Let's get out of the heat."

He took her hand and they walked home.

* * *

Her mother dropped the cabbage in her hand when she saw Young Do enter the kitchen. She rushed over to him and hugged him tightly, tears in her eyes. She pulled away from him, still holding on to his shoulders and examined him closely, smiling and nodding to herself. Pulling her notepad from her apron pocket, she wrote: _"I'm glad you're back. Sit. Eat."_ She started pulling food out of the fridge.

Young Do took Eun Sang's hand again. "Ahjumma, if you'll excuse us. I would like to talk to Eun Sang alone."

Her mother waved them off, a broad smile on her face, and continued gathering ingredients.

He led her down the hall to her room, closing the door behind her. They sat side-by-side on her bed. Awareness trickled over her—the room felt small. Memories of shared nights in her bed came flooding back. She felt her face redden.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," she heard him say. She looked over and saw him shift, putting more distance between their bodies.

She felt a flush of power as she realized she could still affect him that way.

He cleared his throat. "I— I'm sorry I left that way. I'm sorry I left you."

She covered his hand with hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I realized something that night we talked in the hotel—what I was doing to you—it was what my father did to my mother. He smothered her—tried to control her because he was so afraid of losing her. Instead of talking to her and sharing his fears, he held her so tightly that all she could think of was running away—so she did. She ran right into another man's arms. He never got over that betrayal. And then when I saw you with Kim Tan and— I was so angry. That's when I knew I had to let you go—" His voice was choked with emotion.

"But now you're back," she said softly.

He ran his hands over his face, fighting to regain control over his emotions. "Yes. I'm back. But I won't lie to you, Eun Sang. Things are still difficult. The incident with GK Group is still first and foremost in my father's mind."

"What happened?"

"All I could think about is what Tan had done to Rachel. It haunted me. But I knew I couldn't bow to my father's wishes and I couldn't lie to Noo Ri any longer. Frankly, what happened at that point was luck. My father found out about the bankruptcy and he was afraid of the consequences of going forward with the merger—but if he tried to back out, he would end up losing more money in the long run. He ordered me to end the engagement with Noo Ri and take the blame for everything. I don't know where I found the strength, but I negotiated with him. I agreed to do what he wanted as long as he agreed to my conditions. I told him that I would no longer live under his roof when I returned and— I told him that I wanted money—enough to make me independent from him. Honestly, I think he was impressed by my gall. I've never stood up to him like that before."

"And?"

"He agreed. We signed a contract. Can you believe it? He made his own son sign a contract. I took the fall for the merger dissolution and agreed to go abroad until the uproar died down. But I couldn't leave it like that, Eun Sang. I couldn't do that to Noo Ri. So I told her. When I told her that I wouldn't marry her, I told her why. That's how her family managed to save their company. I owed her that much."

"Does your father know?"

"Yes. He's angry. I think he was planning on trying to buy out GK Group once the news leaked—instead Noo Ri's family was able to negotiate without a take over. That's why he approached you with the money. He's trying to punish me."

"Let him try," she said with more confidence than she felt.

"Eun Sang, it's just the start. He will make your life and your mother's life hell."

"I don't care," she replied stubbornly.

"But I care. I care about you and your mother. I can't watch you suffer like that."

"So, what are we going to do?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm giving you the money he gave me. All of it. Take it and leave Korea."

"What?"

"It's the only way I can protect you. I don't care what he does to me, but I won't let him hurt you."

"He can't do anything to us. We have nothing he wants."

He turned to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. "You don't understand. His lawyer is already working to get your mother fired and you suspended from school. He will ruin your life."

She blinked in shock. "How do you know?"

"Luckily Lawyer Kim still has a bit of a soft spot for me. He warned me after you refused the money. Eun Sang, I don't know what else to do. Please."

"Why do you want us to be apart? You're always pushing me away, Young Do." She grabbed at him as she tried desperately to think of another way. "Come with us. You can come with us. I'm sure it's more than enough money. We'll all leave. Together."

"It's not that easy. I'm the heir. He won't let me just leave. But you—you and your mother can start over. You can have a good life."

"You can't," she whispered. "After everything he's done to you— How am I supposed to live my life knowing that you're still here?"

He took her into his arms and they sat silently until her mother knocked on the door to call them for dinner.


End file.
